Woke up this morning on my own. No alarm clock. I just opened my eyes. Felt great. No urge when I woke up.
While my chest doesn't hurt per se, I feel a loosening of mucus in my chest. It's like, I'm clearing my throat a lot.
There is so much air going up my nose. It's making me light headed at times.
My nasal passages are congested and I have a slight headache. I feel like blowing my nose all the time, even though there is nothing up there. I hear my nostrils popping on the inside. I sound nasally when I talk.
The sun is so bright. It's wonderful. Especially after yesterday. Snow, rain, snow, and then rain again. And it's not even December?!? See, we do it to ourselves. We are the ones pushing time faster. Who the hell shops for the Christmas Tree with the Jack-O-Lantern? Ugh!
Please people, let's allow our seasons to have their own time! I remember having Indian Summer, enjoying the fall, even though fall and winter are not my favorite months. I even remember enjoying going out into the snow.
I don't enjoy any of it now because I don't get a chance to enjoy it. It's here and gone before you know it. Sheesh!
Anyhoo-back to me and the withdrawal. I am going to go through a tough time when I start visiting certain groups of friends. They still smoke. In fact, I will be the only person who doesn't smoke. My plan is, when they all start to light up, I will go outside. If it gets really bad, I will just leave. Not in a huff, mind you. I will extend parting salutations and just exit - stage right.
This is My Quit-not theirs. I think it's rude for a Non or Ex-Smoker to expect a Smoker to make adjustments for them, when the Non-Ex Smoker is in the home of the Smoker.
I was thinking about what to tell people, when it dawns on them that I am not smoking. I will simply tell them the truth. "I am not smoking today." And that is my truth. I can't control tomorrow. However I do have control over my addiction in this moment, so let me speak from this point in time. "I have not smoked today, I am not smoking right now."
Let's be clear. There are some people who want to see us slip once we quit, if for no other reason than they enjoy our company. In the back of their minds, they're going, "He/She is gonna slip - they won't Stay Quit." And if we do slip, that person will be right there with open arms, saying, "I knew you couldn't last - I knew you couldn't hold out."
By saying, "I have not smoked today, I am not smoking now," takes the pressure off of tomorrow.
Truthfully, I am afraid that I will smoke again. I know right now that I don't want to. One of the reasons I don't want to smoke is that I don't want to go back to square one with My Quit. I don't want to feel the sting of the nicotine coursing through my veins, filling my head and bringing me down.
I want to feel like I feel now. Less controlled by nicotine. Maybe it's still controlling me by my very need to write about it. Maybe I'm trying to write, my addiction out of my life. That's not so bad. Because every story has an ending. <------ Ya'll remember who said that first, okay? -- I feel like I just had a moment of clarity..lololol.
Anyhoooooo -- TTYL
Yours in Smokelessness
Won
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