"Sittin On The Edge of the......"

"Bed...watchin the timeeeee roll away....." lololol.

So, I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, and something came to me.

When I smoked because I was stressed out about something, it didn't help me think.
Instead, it stopped me from thinking about the problem, to the point, I would stop dealing
with it for the time being.

The pleasure of the nicotine, calmed me down, and made me think of something else, so that I would end up avoiding whatever I was dealing with, until I could deal with it-or until I wanted to deal with it. Hmmmm.

It also stopped me from "feeling" my feelings, in addition to avoiding the thought process.

I think this is why lately, I have been feeling things more intently and reacting with purpose,
in my feelings. I don't have the cigs to run to, to smoke in order to, what did we call it, "clear my mind.." lol.

Ugh..I get it. My coping mechanism, which was my "Killing Mechanism," is gone.

When things get on my nerves now, I am dealing with it, head on, without a cushion.

Therefore, I need a new strategy to deal with stuff that gets on my nerves. Not a new avoidance
mechanism, but something that will help me focus in a little more. I want to deal with major stuff, like what happened to my car, more efficiently, so that I don't hold it in  Don't misunderstand. I am very clear that this thing did not happen to me (Thank the God of my understanding).  My car can be fixed.

The stress of other things are starting to take their toll on me. Even though I have been working towards changing those things, no result has come as of yet.

Not gonna give up though and I damn sure will not give in - I wasn't born to fail. I may trip and stumble. Hell, I might even fall flat on my face dammit, but get this; with support and prayer, I will get the hell up. I am a winner. And get this; so are you!

"How the hell do you know that, Obi? You don't know me!!"

Ah ha, my friend! I may not know you well enough to invite you to brunch, to a football game, or even to the grand opening of a can of beans, BUT the one thing that I do know about you is THIS; one of the many things we have in common is that, YOU and I both, were the tadpoles that beat the CRAP out of the other tadpoles to make to the womb  ~ Umm hmmm..yes, Yes, YES!!....Hell Yeah!! (Doin' the Pee Wee Herman Dance) lolololol.

(cue Queen/Freddy Mercury(R.I.P., Freddy))Weeee Arrre the Champions My Frienddddsss...and
Weeee'll Keep on Fighting till the Ennddddd....!!!"

I'm raising a glass of (iced) Green Tea to my Rocktober Family, where-ever they may be in the world, and to the folks who are Staying Quit, and to the folks who haven't Quit yet, but whom are thinking about it. Come on, we're waiting for you, whenever you get ready, we'll be here!! :o)

One Human Love, with Big Huggs
Till next time, Obi.

Walking the Bridge Over Troubled Waters.....

For the last few weeks, I've been trying to write an entry for the blog. And it's
been rough for me. A theme will come to me, I sit down to write, and something
on the national stage happens, that causes me to rethink the point of my
post and the words I want to use, and then I lose it. My emotions
get in the way, and I just go blank. 

Now, would that be a writers block or writers cramp? lol.

It's odd that my emotions play a part in this seeing as I've been
accused in the past of, "living in my head." Guess they were wrong.

I respect the thought processes of those reading the blog. I do not want to waste folks
time with nonsense. I want to keep this blog honest, fresh, fun and releveant
to it's purpose and not fill it up with a bunch of useless B.S., so I'm careful
in that regard, with what I write.

The first thing that made me pause was, Iran and Isreal. Are these people insane?
I'm talking about both sides, not just one. Then it was the situation in Syria,
then those poor babies, being killed by their sick ass father, blowing up the
house, then Whitney Houston, then the icing on the cake, some person hits
my car, tares it up to be damned, and drives off without leaving a note.

You might ask, "What does that all have to do with Quitting Smoking?"
Once again, as I stated before in another post, its stress. Stress is a trigger.

"Why would you care about what's happening in Syria, you don't know those people?"
The folks in Syria, are human beings. Just like anyplace else in the world.
They deserve to be heard and treated with respect.

"Why would you care about what happened to those babies?
You didn't know them, they weren't  your relatives?"
Again, it doesn't matter if I knew them!! Those were INNOCENT children.
For the record, in my personal book, anyone who harms children, elders,
animals, and folks who can't defend themselves, are pieces of SH%#.

"Why would you care about Whitney Houston? She had everything
and didn't know what to do with it."
Did she really have everything, if she was addicted? She clearly did
not have peace of mind. Part of what Whitney went through in life,
is what we who have issues with any type of addiction, go through every
day. The thought of relapse is a damned scary thing, especially when you kick ass
every day, to say, "F*^% No!," to whatever habit you're trying to kick.
Addiction isn't a joke, and over all isn't to be taken lightly. Addiction has shown that
it doesn't care about who you are, and how much money you have and how many people
love you.

I notice that after three months quit, my addiction to nicotine has taken a new seat.
It's in front of me. It's as if the addiction has said, "Okay, you've had your fun - now I'm
going to break you," and has pulled up one of those metal chairs, that you see
in Corrections facilities, with the green plastic cushion, and is sitting squarely
in front of me, leaning down on its elbows, looking me straight in the eye.

It's dressed in a suit and tie. In fact, my addiction looks like that guy, "Mayhem"
on the Allstate commercial, which is wierd because I think he's cute.
Anyway, here's the truth about how I feel. In my head, I am clear about not smoking.
I have not smoked and therefore I will not smoke. But for some strange reason, '
the automatic desire has reared it's head after going away.

So, we're gonna go back to basics. One second, one minute, one hour, one
day, at a time. Just One Day.

Some folks may be able to shrug off the stuff I listed, but for me,
it all just makes me think, really. It gives me reason to pause and examine
my own life. Not sure if anyone can understand this,but sometimes, when I hear about
war, injustice, and people being killed, even if its in a remote part of the world,
I get a pain in my stomach. It's like a dull ache. I become very sad for a
time, reflecting on the loss of life.

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, and I don't know how I know this, but
we don't have to live this way, as a species. We don't have to kill each other.
There are enough resources to go around. It's just not neccessary for folks
to go hungry. It's not necessary for folks to be homeless.

It's not necessary for folks to be dying of diseases that are ultimately
started by behaviors that either could be avoided OR not introduced due to
people being placed in positions to survive any way they can.

It's not always necessary for somebody to lose, in order for someone else to win in
the passage of human life. Sure, there is a battle for survival going on
in the animal kingdom, and with micro-organisms. But dammit, come on!?
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!! WE KNOW BETTER BECAUSE OF HISTORY!?!?!

The inability to make sound choices in order to cope with the stresses of life

 and living, are what opens the door to our addictions.

Our inability to control the behavior, once we have found pleasure in our coping tool, gives permission to our addictions to get comfortable and become a part of our lives.

We've GOT to stop letting the addiction of hatred and greed of a few,

have a seat at the table of humanity.  

(Me, Obi -Feb 19th, 2012).

Love & Freedom to My Rocktober Family, Folks following the Blog, and anyone new to their Quit and folks who are still thinking about Quitting. If you take the step, I'll be here for you.

I'm gonna close by asking everybody to check the lyrics of this song. Heard it yesterday. Listened to it, as a youngster. I think you'll get the message.

One Human Love to Everyone & Plenty of Hugs,
Till Next Time...Obi.