I want to share this with everyone who may be afraid to quit, thinking about quitting, or
who feels they don't have enough support to quit. I want to illustrate to you, by sharing
a moment in my life, that just occurred this month, that YOU CAN QUIT if you WANT TO QUIT
as well as STAY QUIT with your own help, support from others, and solid direction.
It's in the WANTING my Lovelies, I'm telling you, it's in the WANTING.
So, it's Mother's Day and my family and I come together at the home of my sibling. We're having a good time, eating some good food, enjoying each other's company, laughing with the children and making noise through out the house. The macaroni salad was magnificent if I must say so myself. *smiling*.
After dinner, and midway into desert, one of My Loved Ones, says to the rest of us, "I asked you all to meet me here at ____'s house for a reason. I have some news that I need to share."
We all stopped laughing and chewing to pay attention to My Loved One. My Loved One's eyes lowered to the scan the table, and she folded her hands, while she was speaking.
"I want to thank you all for your love and support when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I also want to t hank you for being there for me when I had the surgery." I need you all to know that when I was admitted to the hospital last week, it was because my lungs were full of fluid. When the physicians removed the fluid and tested it, the fluid contained cancer cells."
The room became so quiet. You couldn't even hear folks breathing. The air in the room became so thick with fear induced anticipation, for fearing what she was going to say next. One person broke the silence by asking my loved one, a question. Everyone began to gently ask questions of My Loved One because she had just had a successful double mastectomy back in January of this year.
My Loved One informed the family that the cancer may have spread and it may be lung cancer.
We all came together and had a group hug around my loved one. We all lowered our heads and began to pray. Some folks cried. Some folks got upset, and some even walked outside to get some air.
A few weeks ago, when this happened, I was thinking long and hard about smoking. I thought about taking a drag from a cigarette to ease the tension in my head and the pain in my heart. My thoughts were centered on making this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness go away. Most of you who have read the blog, are aware that one of my major triggers is loss and separation.
I started to feel it creep up. I started to feel out of control. I started to feel as if I didn't know what to do. I started to feel like I wanted to run. I felt like an impotent human being, who was about to watch her loved one, just waste away.
Yes, I wanted to smoke. I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it. I mentioned it to my Mom in a round about way. I didn't want to make this about me as we were all focused on My Loved One. Reluctantly, I said, "I am struggling with wanting to smoke right now...I really don't want to do it....but...it's creeping up on me." My Mom never made eye contact with me, just said, "You are a strong woman. You don't have to smoke, if you don't want to."
It's amazing that, no matter your age, (and if you have that type of relationship with your Mom) if Mom says something is gonna be alright, it magically makes it all better.
"I don't have to smoke, if I don't want to.." became my mantra. In a few days, I stopped thinking about smoking. I relaxed. I breathed. I allowed myself to imagine myself smoking and what it would mean for me at this stage of the game. I really did not want to smoke. I wanted the smoke to numb the fear and the pain that was coming to me. The truth is, I am afraid to see my loved one in pain, hurting, and knowing, that there is nothing I can do turn it off and make it go away forever.
Today, May 27th, 2012, My Loved One is in a better space. She is doing much better and is as spunky as ever. No lung cancer. No cancer in the brain or other major organs. She is taking it easy.
She has another round of chemo and radiation. The physicians are watching her and taking it one day at a time.
I do believe in my heart that sincere prayer changes things, even when the outcome, is something that we didn't want. This is not a religious statement, but a statement of my Spirituality.
I know that prayer works, all prayer, in many languages, in many songs.
I am so grateful to the Creator of my Understanding for letting me see, seven months free of nicotine today.
As I shared before, I am right here fighting the good fight, with you to STAY FREE of NICOTINE. one day at a time. We can do this. Do not fear leaving nicotine alone.
To my Rocktober Family, Much Love Where-ever in the World you May Be. I am thankful to My Rocktober Family for the inspiration, the notes, the hugs, the laughs, and the support that you give, when you all don't even know it. :o)
A Great Big Hug to the World, for all those who are willing to receive it.
ONE LOVE, OBI. :o)
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
MAY THE FOURTH, BE WITH YOU...... :o)
Whelp, here we are. It's May 4th, 2012 and I am six months free from nicotine (QD 10-27-2011).
Where in the heck did the time go? I can still remember typing the first post and exactly how I felt, while typing it. I am so thankful to the God of my understanding and so many people who have
been a huge support, either by sending emails or joining the blog. I truly, truly, appreciate it.
April 27th was a very special day for me, outside of my 6th month anniversary. No, I'm not a Taurus,
so it's not my birthday. October 27th and April 27th are crucial dates for me. Let's just say, those
dates represent what is best in me.
I want to share something with the folks who are thinking about quitting and whom are visualizing themselves as an Ex-Smoker. Keep thinking and visualizing how you look and how you are as an Ex Smoker. Eventually, it will happen. You will get the courage to quit. And what's better is, you will try. That was a major part of my Quitting process. Seeing ME as an Ex Smoker.
You have a HUMAN RIGHT to be nicotine free.
You weren't born with it, nor did you rely on it as a child to sustain you.
If you're reading this for the first time and you want to Quit, go back a few months and see the posts that will show in detail, what route I took to Quit. I am not saying you have to do the same. I am however, strongly suggesting that you develop a plan that you can stick to, and go with it. Wait..and modify it if you have to.
Now, for those who are hanging in there - Guess what? One of the challenges I had, has been resolved. YAY Whewhooo!! The only interesting thing is that, because I have changed my environment, and introduced new faces to my daily situation, new stresses have arisen and I have craved a cig. Did I give in? NOPE.
"Obi, why didn't you just get a ci g to take the edge off? No one would have known."
WRONG!! I would have known. I don't want to give folks the impression that I am this super holier than thou, politically correct, ball-breaking ethics and morality Queen. Nope. I'm not, that's not me.
It's just that, to break My Quit right now, would toss six months praying, planning, internal work, and practicing out the damn window. That just ain't gonna happen, not when I have so many resources to turn to.
Anyway, in regard to kicking the crave, I took a deep breath and realized what was going on, what caused the trigger, and worked my way through it (WAM TIT BIO LIP)
A few weeks ago, I saw a dear friend while I was out. I had not seen this gentleman in a very long time. He was always like an Uncle to me, so therefore when I saw him, arms went out for an embrace. Sounds wonderful, right?
Little did I know that this gentleman, had just smoked a cigarette. When I stepped away from the gentleman, my clothes were wreaking of the smell of stale cigarette.
I could tell I how far I've come, by my behavior. While I didn't act out, I was furious that my clothes smelled this way. Before I knew it, after my gentleman friend had walked away, I shared with another friend, a while later, that the reason I was frowning was that I had quit smoking back in October, and when folks who have just smoked, get too close to me, it makes me nauseous.
I want all of you who are still smoking to know, that if you really want to stop smoking, you will find a way to make it happen. It may feel frightening at first, but I am here to tell you, it does get easier as time passes.
Go a head, make pick a date a month from now, and stay committed to it. Start making a list of why you want to Quit. Keep it with you so you can add on to it, as revelations come to you.
Hold your head up high, knowing that you are working towards a special goal, for YOU.
Not anyone else.
Much Love to my Rocktober Family where ever in the world, you are.
Big Hugs to every and anyone on the path or about to step on the path, to Quitting
Despite what ou think, YOU CAN DO THIS...BELIEVE IN YOURSELF....AND MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!! :o)
Peace, Love, and Huge Hugs to the World (for all those who will receive it.)
Obi
Where in the heck did the time go? I can still remember typing the first post and exactly how I felt, while typing it. I am so thankful to the God of my understanding and so many people who have
been a huge support, either by sending emails or joining the blog. I truly, truly, appreciate it.
April 27th was a very special day for me, outside of my 6th month anniversary. No, I'm not a Taurus,
so it's not my birthday. October 27th and April 27th are crucial dates for me. Let's just say, those
dates represent what is best in me.
I want to share something with the folks who are thinking about quitting and whom are visualizing themselves as an Ex-Smoker. Keep thinking and visualizing how you look and how you are as an Ex Smoker. Eventually, it will happen. You will get the courage to quit. And what's better is, you will try. That was a major part of my Quitting process. Seeing ME as an Ex Smoker.
You have a HUMAN RIGHT to be nicotine free.
You weren't born with it, nor did you rely on it as a child to sustain you.
If you're reading this for the first time and you want to Quit, go back a few months and see the posts that will show in detail, what route I took to Quit. I am not saying you have to do the same. I am however, strongly suggesting that you develop a plan that you can stick to, and go with it. Wait..and modify it if you have to.
Now, for those who are hanging in there - Guess what? One of the challenges I had, has been resolved. YAY Whewhooo!! The only interesting thing is that, because I have changed my environment, and introduced new faces to my daily situation, new stresses have arisen and I have craved a cig. Did I give in? NOPE.
"Obi, why didn't you just get a ci g to take the edge off? No one would have known."
WRONG!! I would have known. I don't want to give folks the impression that I am this super holier than thou, politically correct, ball-breaking ethics and morality Queen. Nope. I'm not, that's not me.
It's just that, to break My Quit right now, would toss six months praying, planning, internal work, and practicing out the damn window. That just ain't gonna happen, not when I have so many resources to turn to.
Anyway, in regard to kicking the crave, I took a deep breath and realized what was going on, what caused the trigger, and worked my way through it (WAM TIT BIO LIP)
A few weeks ago, I saw a dear friend while I was out. I had not seen this gentleman in a very long time. He was always like an Uncle to me, so therefore when I saw him, arms went out for an embrace. Sounds wonderful, right?
Little did I know that this gentleman, had just smoked a cigarette. When I stepped away from the gentleman, my clothes were wreaking of the smell of stale cigarette.
I could tell I how far I've come, by my behavior. While I didn't act out, I was furious that my clothes smelled this way. Before I knew it, after my gentleman friend had walked away, I shared with another friend, a while later, that the reason I was frowning was that I had quit smoking back in October, and when folks who have just smoked, get too close to me, it makes me nauseous.
I want all of you who are still smoking to know, that if you really want to stop smoking, you will find a way to make it happen. It may feel frightening at first, but I am here to tell you, it does get easier as time passes.
Go a head, make pick a date a month from now, and stay committed to it. Start making a list of why you want to Quit. Keep it with you so you can add on to it, as revelations come to you.
Hold your head up high, knowing that you are working towards a special goal, for YOU.
Not anyone else.
Much Love to my Rocktober Family where ever in the world, you are.
Big Hugs to every and anyone on the path or about to step on the path, to Quitting
Despite what ou think, YOU CAN DO THIS...BELIEVE IN YOURSELF....AND MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!! :o)
Peace, Love, and Huge Hugs to the World (for all those who will receive it.)
Obi
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