RECOVERY IN ACTION: THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

I want to share this with everyone who may be afraid to quit, thinking about quitting, or
who feels they don't have enough support to quit. I want to illustrate to you, by sharing
a moment in my life, that just occurred this month, that YOU CAN QUIT if you WANT TO QUIT
as well as STAY QUIT with your own help, support from others, and solid direction.

It's in the WANTING my Lovelies, I'm telling you, it's in the WANTING.

So, it's Mother's Day and my family and I come together at the home of my sibling. We're having a good time, eating some good food, enjoying each other's company, laughing with the children and making noise through out the house. The macaroni salad was magnificent if I must say so myself. *smiling*.

After dinner, and midway into desert, one of My Loved Ones, says to the rest of us, "I asked you all to meet me here at ____'s house for a reason. I have some news that I need to share." 
We all stopped laughing and chewing to pay attention to My Loved One. My Loved One's eyes lowered to the scan the table, and she folded her hands, while she was speaking.

"I want to thank you all for your love and support when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I also want to t hank you for being there for me when I had the surgery." I need you all to know that when I was admitted to the hospital last week, it was because my lungs were full of fluid. When the physicians removed the fluid and tested it, the fluid contained cancer cells."

The room became so quiet. You couldn't even hear folks breathing. The air in the room became so thick with fear induced anticipation, for fearing what she was going to say next. One person broke the silence by asking my loved one, a question. Everyone began to gently ask questions of My Loved One because she had just had a successful double mastectomy back in January of this year.

My Loved One informed the family that the cancer may have spread and it may be lung cancer.
We all came together and had a group hug around my loved one. We all lowered our heads and began to pray. Some folks cried. Some folks got upset, and some even walked outside to get some air.

A few weeks ago, when this happened, I was thinking long and hard about smoking. I thought about taking a drag from a cigarette to ease the tension in my head and the pain in my heart. My thoughts were centered on making this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness go away. Most of you who have read the blog, are aware that one of my major triggers is loss and separation.

I started to feel it creep up. I started to feel out of control. I started to feel as if I didn't know what to do. I started to feel like I wanted to run. I felt like an impotent human being, who was about to watch her loved one, just waste away.

Yes, I wanted to smoke. I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it. I mentioned it to my Mom in a round about way. I didn't want to make this about me as we were all focused on My Loved One. Reluctantly, I said, "I am struggling with wanting to smoke right now...I really don't want to do it....but...it's creeping up on me." My Mom never made eye contact with me, just said, "You are a strong woman. You don't have to smoke, if you don't want to."

It's amazing that, no matter your age, (and if you have that type of relationship with your Mom) if Mom says something is gonna be alright, it magically makes it all better.

"I don't have to smoke, if I don't want to.." became my mantra. In a few days, I stopped thinking about smoking. I relaxed. I breathed. I allowed myself to imagine myself smoking and what it would mean for me at this stage of the game. I really did not want to smoke. I wanted the smoke to numb the fear and the pain that was coming to me. The truth is, I am afraid to see my loved one in pain, hurting, and knowing, that there is nothing I can do turn it off and make it go away forever.

Today, May 27th, 2012, My Loved One is in a better space. She is doing much better and is as spunky as ever.  No lung cancer. No cancer in the brain or other major organs. She is taking it easy.
She has another round of chemo and radiation. The physicians are watching  her and taking it one day at a time. 

I do believe in my heart that sincere prayer changes things, even when the outcome, is something that we didn't want. This is not a religious statement, but a statement of my Spirituality.
I know that prayer works, all prayer, in many languages, in many songs.

I am so grateful to the Creator of my Understanding for letting me see, seven months free of nicotine today.

As I shared before, I am right here fighting the good fight, with you to STAY FREE of NICOTINE. one day at a time.  We can do this. Do not fear leaving nicotine alone.

To my Rocktober Family, Much Love Where-ever in the World you May Be. I am thankful to My Rocktober Family for the inspiration, the notes, the hugs, the laughs, and the support that you give, when you all don't even know it. :o)

A Great Big Hug to the World, for all those who are willing to receive it.

ONE LOVE, OBI. :o)