Today is September 27th. It is my 11th Month Quit. I should be happy and ecstatic, but I am not. I have been pondering as to whether I should even continue the blog.
I am not in a happy or peaceful place and I'm not sure how I am going to find the spirit to motivate folks to not smoke, when I, myself, don't feel motivated to consistently stay Quit? I mean, I have not smoked but, my God, the temptation is on me like a coat.
Early in September, a few days after my last entry, my Loved One who had stage four breast cancer, succumbed to the disease. I have so much anger and sadness. I have so many different emotions running through me at this time. I am trying to keep perspective because at this point, this entry is so not about me and my Quit. I mean, it may be, it just doesn't feel like it.
The reason why I'm not sure about continuing the blog is that, my focus for the time being, is diminished. Here's my issue; I feel guilty about working through my trigger, which is separation and loss, yet losing my loved one to cancer. I know that sounds so incredibly stupid. It's just how I feel.
I remember standing over her when we went to preview her body the day before the funeral. I asked myself, "What was the point of quitting?" Here lies my relative in this coffin, who never smoked anything, gone from breast cancer. I could not make sense of what happened. I felt guilty for living. My loved one never did anything to get breast cancer, yet she is gone.
As I said, this is so not about me and my Quit. I'm not even happy that I dealt with the separation and loss trigger and didn't smoke. I wanted to smoke. I wanted it so bad. I want it now as I am typing this. The issue is, I just can't bring myself to smoke.
Want to hear something else even more stupid? In some way, I felt as though I was tempting fate by admitting my trigger to the world, because in the end, it felt like some twist of fate, put the trigger right in front of me to deal with, with one of my own family members!
I do not want anyone who is reading this to use what I am sharing to justify smoking. That isn't the point of this entry. The point of this entry is to be candid and share what I am feeling and to some degree, how I am dealing with it.
I'm angry because I feel that all the money that is collected on these Breast Cancer marathons and walks should have funded a cure by now, but it hasn't. I've read an article that even says that some of the fundraisers for Breast Cancer don't even turn over a considerable amount of money to Breast Cancer research.
My family member fought so hard, so hard. I can't believe that she is gone. It hurts so much. She was only in her early fifties. She had so much to live for. I know I am not the only person who has been touched by this, and won't be the last. It's just so devastating to watch over time. It's devastating to see your loved one in so much pain, yet try to keep hope that something can be done, and know that life is ending.
How the hell do you wake up every day, knowing that your life is truly about to end...not metaphorically, but LITERALLY?!?! and have the courage to keep going???
How the hell do you deal with the fact that you did everything the doctors asked you do to from the mastectomy to the repeated chemo and radiation and YOU STILL END UP DYING?? How the F*ck do you DEAL WITH THAT???
I am so so so so so angry. I miss my loved one. I will miss her for the rest of my life.
Somebody out there, please pray for me and my family. We are small group and this was a major blow to our family unit.
I'm gonna stop now because the tears are building and I just can't keep this up.
Major Healing Energy and Love to anyone dealing with any type of cancer. Major Healing Energy and Love to the families supporting those dealing with any types of cancer.
Much healing love to the world (for all those who are willing to receive it.)
Peace.
Obi.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Still Smoke Free & Sexy... :o)
It's been a long time, but I am happy to report that I am still Smoke Free and Sexy.
So much has happened since the last time I wrote. Each time I wanted to sit down and blog about my progress, something strange would happen and I would put it off. I am taking this time right nowto write and share. I may be adding more to this post,but I just wanted to get it in today, because
August 27, 2012, is my 10th Month Smoke Free Anniversary!
Where the hell has the time gone? Is it me or has time just put on some sneakers and sprinted? In two months, it will be a whole year that I haven't smoked (Lord Willing).
Soooo where do I begin?
Let's see. I did a liquid cleanse for three days last month. Made me feel totally awesome.
The fast was the thing that made me feel clean on the inside. It was as if there may have been some
residue inside (probably in my mind) and the cleanse just flushed it out. I might share the information on the cleanse in another post as I'm not sure about hyping products in this blog.
Anyway, I started walking again. I lost 10 pounds last time I checked. That wasn't the goal, but that
is what happened. I stopped eating meat. I only eat fish when I want to get some protein. I've increased my fruit and veggie intake considerably.
One of the things that has challenged me since I last wrote, is the condition of my family member
who has stage 4 breast cancer, who I wrote about back in May. Her condition has worsened.
We keep praying. We keep hoping. She is still with us. She has good days and challenging days.
Watching my loved one deal with this situation, is a challenge as one of my major triggers is
separation and loss. When I leave from seeing her, I am tempted to smoke because I feel the need to center and think deeply, like almost go into a trance. I don't want to smoke, but the stress from a lot of things I can't go into, is really pressing upon me.
The desire has been so strong for me at one point that I started having dreams that I was smoking.
I actually had several dreams, not just one. One of them was so real, that when I woke up, I could have sworn that I could smell smoke in my nostrils. I even felt the heaviness in my chest that comes with smoking. Like I shared earlier, I am dealing with the triggers on a daily basis. But my situation is NOTHING like what my family member is going through so I keep perspective and keep moving forward.
I take it one day at a time. Nothing more, nothing less.
To my folks who haven't quit, but whom are thinking about quitting, don't give up. When you are ready, you will quit. Just keep thinking about it. We become what we think about most. You can become a Quitter if you really want to. *wink*. I'm rootin' for ya and remember, I'm dealing with My Quit, One Day at A Time right along with you, if you decide to join us, who have already quit.
To my Rocktober Family, wherever in the world you may be, Huge Huggz!! :o)
Hugs, Love, and Healing Energy to the World (for those who are open to receive it.)
Love & Peace,
Obi
So much has happened since the last time I wrote. Each time I wanted to sit down and blog about my progress, something strange would happen and I would put it off. I am taking this time right nowto write and share. I may be adding more to this post,but I just wanted to get it in today, because
August 27, 2012, is my 10th Month Smoke Free Anniversary!
Yeah, Baby!!
*smile*
*smile*
Where the hell has the time gone? Is it me or has time just put on some sneakers and sprinted? In two months, it will be a whole year that I haven't smoked (Lord Willing).
Soooo where do I begin?
Let's see. I did a liquid cleanse for three days last month. Made me feel totally awesome.
The fast was the thing that made me feel clean on the inside. It was as if there may have been some
residue inside (probably in my mind) and the cleanse just flushed it out. I might share the information on the cleanse in another post as I'm not sure about hyping products in this blog.
Anyway, I started walking again. I lost 10 pounds last time I checked. That wasn't the goal, but that
is what happened. I stopped eating meat. I only eat fish when I want to get some protein. I've increased my fruit and veggie intake considerably.
One of the things that has challenged me since I last wrote, is the condition of my family member
who has stage 4 breast cancer, who I wrote about back in May. Her condition has worsened.
We keep praying. We keep hoping. She is still with us. She has good days and challenging days.
Watching my loved one deal with this situation, is a challenge as one of my major triggers is
separation and loss. When I leave from seeing her, I am tempted to smoke because I feel the need to center and think deeply, like almost go into a trance. I don't want to smoke, but the stress from a lot of things I can't go into, is really pressing upon me.
The desire has been so strong for me at one point that I started having dreams that I was smoking.
I actually had several dreams, not just one. One of them was so real, that when I woke up, I could have sworn that I could smell smoke in my nostrils. I even felt the heaviness in my chest that comes with smoking. Like I shared earlier, I am dealing with the triggers on a daily basis. But my situation is NOTHING like what my family member is going through so I keep perspective and keep moving forward.
I take it one day at a time. Nothing more, nothing less.
To my folks who haven't quit, but whom are thinking about quitting, don't give up. When you are ready, you will quit. Just keep thinking about it. We become what we think about most. You can become a Quitter if you really want to. *wink*. I'm rootin' for ya and remember, I'm dealing with My Quit, One Day at A Time right along with you, if you decide to join us, who have already quit.
To my Rocktober Family, wherever in the world you may be, Huge Huggz!! :o)
Hugs, Love, and Healing Energy to the World (for those who are open to receive it.)
Love & Peace,
Obi
Monday, June 18, 2012
Reflections in the Sun........
So, I go hang out in NYC this past weekend, which is one of my favorite places in the world to be. I wanted to visit with friends, just hang out, do a little personal celebrating because of a special day, and of course, shopping. :o)
We're having a good time and a friend says to me, "You're really uptight". I ignore her and think to myself, "Compared to what?" The weekend goes on and she makes another reference to me needing to relax. She then says, "You need to smoke a cigarette."
I didn't respond to the comment. While I know it was said in jest, I also thought it was a bone-headed, careless thing to say, considering she knew that I had quit smoking 8 (in a few days) months ago. I mean, I would never tell a former coke addict, "You need to snort a line," or tell a recovering alcoholic, "Damn, you're uptight, you need to take a drink."
Would YOU do that? I didn't think so!!
It tells me that people really don't take nicotine addiction seriously. They think, "Oh, you can stop any time you want to," thus you can pick it up at a moments notice and then drop it.
WRONG, WRONG, DAMMIT WRONG!!
People like me, who are addicted to nicotine, cannot just stop and start at random. That isn't how it works. Just because nicotine isn't cocaine, marijuana, heroine, alcohol, pills, etc., does not mean it's any less addictive OR dangerous.
People die from smoking. Does anyone get that? Or better still, does anyone really give a rats patootey, that people are dying needless deaths from nicotine addiction.
If and when I am in this person's company again, I will respond to her by saying, "Just like you need to stop _______________" I'll fill in the blank when the time comes.
See, here's the thing; I'm not careless with my recovery and damn it, no one else will be careless with it either.
I did not come this far in My Quit, with the help of family, friends, and the wonderful folk who send well wishes via email, the blog, and My Rocktober Family, to let some person, who was careless with her words, throw me for a loop.
Hell No, We Won't Go (back to smoking)!!!
HELL NO, WE WON'T GO!!! :o)
Why, you ask? Well...because.....
"We're Bringin' Smokeless Back!! Those folks still smokin' don't know how to act!! Take it to the bridge!!"
Remember, I may not post every day, but I am here, fighting the good fight, right along with you to STAY QUIT One Day At A Time!
One Love to my Rocktober Family, where-ever in the world you may be.
One Huge Hug filled with Love and Forgiveness to the World
(for those who are willing to accept it.)
Obi :o)
So, I go hang out in NYC this past weekend, which is one of my favorite places in the world to be. I wanted to visit with friends, just hang out, do a little personal celebrating because of a special day, and of course, shopping. :o)
We're having a good time and a friend says to me, "You're really uptight". I ignore her and think to myself, "Compared to what?" The weekend goes on and she makes another reference to me needing to relax. She then says, "You need to smoke a cigarette."
I didn't respond to the comment. While I know it was said in jest, I also thought it was a bone-headed, careless thing to say, considering she knew that I had quit smoking 8 (in a few days) months ago. I mean, I would never tell a former coke addict, "You need to snort a line," or tell a recovering alcoholic, "Damn, you're uptight, you need to take a drink."
Would YOU do that? I didn't think so!!
It tells me that people really don't take nicotine addiction seriously. They think, "Oh, you can stop any time you want to," thus you can pick it up at a moments notice and then drop it.
WRONG, WRONG, DAMMIT WRONG!!
People like me, who are addicted to nicotine, cannot just stop and start at random. That isn't how it works. Just because nicotine isn't cocaine, marijuana, heroine, alcohol, pills, etc., does not mean it's any less addictive OR dangerous.
People die from smoking. Does anyone get that? Or better still, does anyone really give a rats patootey, that people are dying needless deaths from nicotine addiction.
If and when I am in this person's company again, I will respond to her by saying, "Just like you need to stop _______________" I'll fill in the blank when the time comes.
See, here's the thing; I'm not careless with my recovery and damn it, no one else will be careless with it either.
I did not come this far in My Quit, with the help of family, friends, and the wonderful folk who send well wishes via email, the blog, and My Rocktober Family, to let some person, who was careless with her words, throw me for a loop.
Hell No, We Won't Go (back to smoking)!!!
HELL NO, WE WON'T GO!!! :o)
Why, you ask? Well...because.....
"We're Bringin' Smokeless Back!! Those folks still smokin' don't know how to act!! Take it to the bridge!!"
Remember, I may not post every day, but I am here, fighting the good fight, right along with you to STAY QUIT One Day At A Time!
One Love to my Rocktober Family, where-ever in the world you may be.
One Huge Hug filled with Love and Forgiveness to the World
(for those who are willing to accept it.)
Obi :o)
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
A Short & Sweety :o)
Something came to me a few weeks ago. "We have to be careful of what we do to our bodies, while we are well, as it pertains to how it will affect other people, who are in our immediate circle of friends and family in the future.
For example, if you are over-eating right now and are obese because of over-eating, think about how it's going to impact those who may have to push, pull, walk, help you up some steps if you should need that type of assistance.
Or, are you still smoking? Have you thought about how you're gonna impact folks around you who may have to help you with smoking related illnesses?
Not judging anyone. Just thinking out loud. Remember, I smoked too, and I like you, struggled to quit and sometimes struggle to STAY QUIT, as life continues to go on, one day at a time.
At this point, it's almost selfish to do something that will harm your health if you have loved ones who will one day, have to take care of you because you didn't look far into the future.
Just something to think about.
One Big Hug for the World, (for all those willing to receive it.)
Obi
Something came to me a few weeks ago. "We have to be careful of what we do to our bodies, while we are well, as it pertains to how it will affect other people, who are in our immediate circle of friends and family in the future.
For example, if you are over-eating right now and are obese because of over-eating, think about how it's going to impact those who may have to push, pull, walk, help you up some steps if you should need that type of assistance.
Or, are you still smoking? Have you thought about how you're gonna impact folks around you who may have to help you with smoking related illnesses?
Not judging anyone. Just thinking out loud. Remember, I smoked too, and I like you, struggled to quit and sometimes struggle to STAY QUIT, as life continues to go on, one day at a time.
At this point, it's almost selfish to do something that will harm your health if you have loved ones who will one day, have to take care of you because you didn't look far into the future.
Just something to think about.
One Big Hug for the World, (for all those willing to receive it.)
Obi
Sunday, May 27, 2012
RECOVERY IN ACTION: THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
I want to share this with everyone who may be afraid to quit, thinking about quitting, or
who feels they don't have enough support to quit. I want to illustrate to you, by sharing
a moment in my life, that just occurred this month, that YOU CAN QUIT if you WANT TO QUIT
as well as STAY QUIT with your own help, support from others, and solid direction.
It's in the WANTING my Lovelies, I'm telling you, it's in the WANTING.
So, it's Mother's Day and my family and I come together at the home of my sibling. We're having a good time, eating some good food, enjoying each other's company, laughing with the children and making noise through out the house. The macaroni salad was magnificent if I must say so myself. *smiling*.
After dinner, and midway into desert, one of My Loved Ones, says to the rest of us, "I asked you all to meet me here at ____'s house for a reason. I have some news that I need to share."
We all stopped laughing and chewing to pay attention to My Loved One. My Loved One's eyes lowered to the scan the table, and she folded her hands, while she was speaking.
"I want to thank you all for your love and support when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I also want to t hank you for being there for me when I had the surgery." I need you all to know that when I was admitted to the hospital last week, it was because my lungs were full of fluid. When the physicians removed the fluid and tested it, the fluid contained cancer cells."
The room became so quiet. You couldn't even hear folks breathing. The air in the room became so thick with fear induced anticipation, for fearing what she was going to say next. One person broke the silence by asking my loved one, a question. Everyone began to gently ask questions of My Loved One because she had just had a successful double mastectomy back in January of this year.
My Loved One informed the family that the cancer may have spread and it may be lung cancer.
We all came together and had a group hug around my loved one. We all lowered our heads and began to pray. Some folks cried. Some folks got upset, and some even walked outside to get some air.
A few weeks ago, when this happened, I was thinking long and hard about smoking. I thought about taking a drag from a cigarette to ease the tension in my head and the pain in my heart. My thoughts were centered on making this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness go away. Most of you who have read the blog, are aware that one of my major triggers is loss and separation.
I started to feel it creep up. I started to feel out of control. I started to feel as if I didn't know what to do. I started to feel like I wanted to run. I felt like an impotent human being, who was about to watch her loved one, just waste away.
Yes, I wanted to smoke. I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it. I mentioned it to my Mom in a round about way. I didn't want to make this about me as we were all focused on My Loved One. Reluctantly, I said, "I am struggling with wanting to smoke right now...I really don't want to do it....but...it's creeping up on me." My Mom never made eye contact with me, just said, "You are a strong woman. You don't have to smoke, if you don't want to."
It's amazing that, no matter your age, (and if you have that type of relationship with your Mom) if Mom says something is gonna be alright, it magically makes it all better.
"I don't have to smoke, if I don't want to.." became my mantra. In a few days, I stopped thinking about smoking. I relaxed. I breathed. I allowed myself to imagine myself smoking and what it would mean for me at this stage of the game. I really did not want to smoke. I wanted the smoke to numb the fear and the pain that was coming to me. The truth is, I am afraid to see my loved one in pain, hurting, and knowing, that there is nothing I can do turn it off and make it go away forever.
Today, May 27th, 2012, My Loved One is in a better space. She is doing much better and is as spunky as ever. No lung cancer. No cancer in the brain or other major organs. She is taking it easy.
She has another round of chemo and radiation. The physicians are watching her and taking it one day at a time.
I do believe in my heart that sincere prayer changes things, even when the outcome, is something that we didn't want. This is not a religious statement, but a statement of my Spirituality.
I know that prayer works, all prayer, in many languages, in many songs.
I am so grateful to the Creator of my Understanding for letting me see, seven months free of nicotine today.
As I shared before, I am right here fighting the good fight, with you to STAY FREE of NICOTINE. one day at a time. We can do this. Do not fear leaving nicotine alone.
To my Rocktober Family, Much Love Where-ever in the World you May Be. I am thankful to My Rocktober Family for the inspiration, the notes, the hugs, the laughs, and the support that you give, when you all don't even know it. :o)
A Great Big Hug to the World, for all those who are willing to receive it.
ONE LOVE, OBI. :o)
who feels they don't have enough support to quit. I want to illustrate to you, by sharing
a moment in my life, that just occurred this month, that YOU CAN QUIT if you WANT TO QUIT
as well as STAY QUIT with your own help, support from others, and solid direction.
It's in the WANTING my Lovelies, I'm telling you, it's in the WANTING.
So, it's Mother's Day and my family and I come together at the home of my sibling. We're having a good time, eating some good food, enjoying each other's company, laughing with the children and making noise through out the house. The macaroni salad was magnificent if I must say so myself. *smiling*.
After dinner, and midway into desert, one of My Loved Ones, says to the rest of us, "I asked you all to meet me here at ____'s house for a reason. I have some news that I need to share."
We all stopped laughing and chewing to pay attention to My Loved One. My Loved One's eyes lowered to the scan the table, and she folded her hands, while she was speaking.
"I want to thank you all for your love and support when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I also want to t hank you for being there for me when I had the surgery." I need you all to know that when I was admitted to the hospital last week, it was because my lungs were full of fluid. When the physicians removed the fluid and tested it, the fluid contained cancer cells."
The room became so quiet. You couldn't even hear folks breathing. The air in the room became so thick with fear induced anticipation, for fearing what she was going to say next. One person broke the silence by asking my loved one, a question. Everyone began to gently ask questions of My Loved One because she had just had a successful double mastectomy back in January of this year.
My Loved One informed the family that the cancer may have spread and it may be lung cancer.
We all came together and had a group hug around my loved one. We all lowered our heads and began to pray. Some folks cried. Some folks got upset, and some even walked outside to get some air.
A few weeks ago, when this happened, I was thinking long and hard about smoking. I thought about taking a drag from a cigarette to ease the tension in my head and the pain in my heart. My thoughts were centered on making this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness go away. Most of you who have read the blog, are aware that one of my major triggers is loss and separation.
I started to feel it creep up. I started to feel out of control. I started to feel as if I didn't know what to do. I started to feel like I wanted to run. I felt like an impotent human being, who was about to watch her loved one, just waste away.
Yes, I wanted to smoke. I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it. I mentioned it to my Mom in a round about way. I didn't want to make this about me as we were all focused on My Loved One. Reluctantly, I said, "I am struggling with wanting to smoke right now...I really don't want to do it....but...it's creeping up on me." My Mom never made eye contact with me, just said, "You are a strong woman. You don't have to smoke, if you don't want to."
It's amazing that, no matter your age, (and if you have that type of relationship with your Mom) if Mom says something is gonna be alright, it magically makes it all better.
"I don't have to smoke, if I don't want to.." became my mantra. In a few days, I stopped thinking about smoking. I relaxed. I breathed. I allowed myself to imagine myself smoking and what it would mean for me at this stage of the game. I really did not want to smoke. I wanted the smoke to numb the fear and the pain that was coming to me. The truth is, I am afraid to see my loved one in pain, hurting, and knowing, that there is nothing I can do turn it off and make it go away forever.
Today, May 27th, 2012, My Loved One is in a better space. She is doing much better and is as spunky as ever. No lung cancer. No cancer in the brain or other major organs. She is taking it easy.
She has another round of chemo and radiation. The physicians are watching her and taking it one day at a time.
I do believe in my heart that sincere prayer changes things, even when the outcome, is something that we didn't want. This is not a religious statement, but a statement of my Spirituality.
I know that prayer works, all prayer, in many languages, in many songs.
I am so grateful to the Creator of my Understanding for letting me see, seven months free of nicotine today.
As I shared before, I am right here fighting the good fight, with you to STAY FREE of NICOTINE. one day at a time. We can do this. Do not fear leaving nicotine alone.
To my Rocktober Family, Much Love Where-ever in the World you May Be. I am thankful to My Rocktober Family for the inspiration, the notes, the hugs, the laughs, and the support that you give, when you all don't even know it. :o)
A Great Big Hug to the World, for all those who are willing to receive it.
ONE LOVE, OBI. :o)
Friday, May 4, 2012
MAY THE FOURTH, BE WITH YOU...... :o)
Whelp, here we are. It's May 4th, 2012 and I am six months free from nicotine (QD 10-27-2011).
Where in the heck did the time go? I can still remember typing the first post and exactly how I felt, while typing it. I am so thankful to the God of my understanding and so many people who have
been a huge support, either by sending emails or joining the blog. I truly, truly, appreciate it.
April 27th was a very special day for me, outside of my 6th month anniversary. No, I'm not a Taurus,
so it's not my birthday. October 27th and April 27th are crucial dates for me. Let's just say, those
dates represent what is best in me.
I want to share something with the folks who are thinking about quitting and whom are visualizing themselves as an Ex-Smoker. Keep thinking and visualizing how you look and how you are as an Ex Smoker. Eventually, it will happen. You will get the courage to quit. And what's better is, you will try. That was a major part of my Quitting process. Seeing ME as an Ex Smoker.
You have a HUMAN RIGHT to be nicotine free.
You weren't born with it, nor did you rely on it as a child to sustain you.
If you're reading this for the first time and you want to Quit, go back a few months and see the posts that will show in detail, what route I took to Quit. I am not saying you have to do the same. I am however, strongly suggesting that you develop a plan that you can stick to, and go with it. Wait..and modify it if you have to.
Now, for those who are hanging in there - Guess what? One of the challenges I had, has been resolved. YAY Whewhooo!! The only interesting thing is that, because I have changed my environment, and introduced new faces to my daily situation, new stresses have arisen and I have craved a cig. Did I give in? NOPE.
"Obi, why didn't you just get a ci g to take the edge off? No one would have known."
WRONG!! I would have known. I don't want to give folks the impression that I am this super holier than thou, politically correct, ball-breaking ethics and morality Queen. Nope. I'm not, that's not me.
It's just that, to break My Quit right now, would toss six months praying, planning, internal work, and practicing out the damn window. That just ain't gonna happen, not when I have so many resources to turn to.
Anyway, in regard to kicking the crave, I took a deep breath and realized what was going on, what caused the trigger, and worked my way through it (WAM TIT BIO LIP)
A few weeks ago, I saw a dear friend while I was out. I had not seen this gentleman in a very long time. He was always like an Uncle to me, so therefore when I saw him, arms went out for an embrace. Sounds wonderful, right?
Little did I know that this gentleman, had just smoked a cigarette. When I stepped away from the gentleman, my clothes were wreaking of the smell of stale cigarette.
I could tell I how far I've come, by my behavior. While I didn't act out, I was furious that my clothes smelled this way. Before I knew it, after my gentleman friend had walked away, I shared with another friend, a while later, that the reason I was frowning was that I had quit smoking back in October, and when folks who have just smoked, get too close to me, it makes me nauseous.
I want all of you who are still smoking to know, that if you really want to stop smoking, you will find a way to make it happen. It may feel frightening at first, but I am here to tell you, it does get easier as time passes.
Go a head, make pick a date a month from now, and stay committed to it. Start making a list of why you want to Quit. Keep it with you so you can add on to it, as revelations come to you.
Hold your head up high, knowing that you are working towards a special goal, for YOU.
Not anyone else.
Much Love to my Rocktober Family where ever in the world, you are.
Big Hugs to every and anyone on the path or about to step on the path, to Quitting
Despite what ou think, YOU CAN DO THIS...BELIEVE IN YOURSELF....AND MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!! :o)
Peace, Love, and Huge Hugs to the World (for all those who will receive it.)
Obi
Where in the heck did the time go? I can still remember typing the first post and exactly how I felt, while typing it. I am so thankful to the God of my understanding and so many people who have
been a huge support, either by sending emails or joining the blog. I truly, truly, appreciate it.
April 27th was a very special day for me, outside of my 6th month anniversary. No, I'm not a Taurus,
so it's not my birthday. October 27th and April 27th are crucial dates for me. Let's just say, those
dates represent what is best in me.
I want to share something with the folks who are thinking about quitting and whom are visualizing themselves as an Ex-Smoker. Keep thinking and visualizing how you look and how you are as an Ex Smoker. Eventually, it will happen. You will get the courage to quit. And what's better is, you will try. That was a major part of my Quitting process. Seeing ME as an Ex Smoker.
You have a HUMAN RIGHT to be nicotine free.
You weren't born with it, nor did you rely on it as a child to sustain you.
If you're reading this for the first time and you want to Quit, go back a few months and see the posts that will show in detail, what route I took to Quit. I am not saying you have to do the same. I am however, strongly suggesting that you develop a plan that you can stick to, and go with it. Wait..and modify it if you have to.
Now, for those who are hanging in there - Guess what? One of the challenges I had, has been resolved. YAY Whewhooo!! The only interesting thing is that, because I have changed my environment, and introduced new faces to my daily situation, new stresses have arisen and I have craved a cig. Did I give in? NOPE.
"Obi, why didn't you just get a ci g to take the edge off? No one would have known."
WRONG!! I would have known. I don't want to give folks the impression that I am this super holier than thou, politically correct, ball-breaking ethics and morality Queen. Nope. I'm not, that's not me.
It's just that, to break My Quit right now, would toss six months praying, planning, internal work, and practicing out the damn window. That just ain't gonna happen, not when I have so many resources to turn to.
Anyway, in regard to kicking the crave, I took a deep breath and realized what was going on, what caused the trigger, and worked my way through it (WAM TIT BIO LIP)
A few weeks ago, I saw a dear friend while I was out. I had not seen this gentleman in a very long time. He was always like an Uncle to me, so therefore when I saw him, arms went out for an embrace. Sounds wonderful, right?
Little did I know that this gentleman, had just smoked a cigarette. When I stepped away from the gentleman, my clothes were wreaking of the smell of stale cigarette.
I could tell I how far I've come, by my behavior. While I didn't act out, I was furious that my clothes smelled this way. Before I knew it, after my gentleman friend had walked away, I shared with another friend, a while later, that the reason I was frowning was that I had quit smoking back in October, and when folks who have just smoked, get too close to me, it makes me nauseous.
I want all of you who are still smoking to know, that if you really want to stop smoking, you will find a way to make it happen. It may feel frightening at first, but I am here to tell you, it does get easier as time passes.
Go a head, make pick a date a month from now, and stay committed to it. Start making a list of why you want to Quit. Keep it with you so you can add on to it, as revelations come to you.
Hold your head up high, knowing that you are working towards a special goal, for YOU.
Not anyone else.
Much Love to my Rocktober Family where ever in the world, you are.
Big Hugs to every and anyone on the path or about to step on the path, to Quitting
Despite what ou think, YOU CAN DO THIS...BELIEVE IN YOURSELF....AND MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!! :o)
Peace, Love, and Huge Hugs to the World (for all those who will receive it.)
Obi
Saturday, April 7, 2012
I've Been Thinking...(Take Cover!!!)
I've been contemplating/reflecting upon The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism lately and smoking cessation. I just want to remind everybody that I am not a Buddhist. Not that I find anything wrong with Buddhism (clearly), I just don't want to lead folks to think that I am something that I am not, or that I have knowledge about a subject that I do not have. Also, please understand that I am not proselytizing Buddhism. I just seem to click with its precepts as it relates to my recovery and understanding myself and my addiction to nicotine.
Okay! Ready? Here we go!
The Four Noble Truths are;
There is suffering in this life.
The cause of suffering is attachment. ( my words; egoistic attachments to people/places/things viewed through/based upon an illusion.)
The way out of suffering is attainable.
The method to stop suffering is adherence to the Eightfold Path.
Okay, Obi. We got it. Now What?
It hit me that, as it relates to smoking, that we suffer needlessly because of our attachment to an illusion, that we attach to the thing we are addicted to. The other reason why we are suffering is because of someone else's attachment to greed (money). Remember when I was talking about folks who make money off of us? I'm talking about the same people, right here.
"WatchutalkinaboutObi?"
Well, watch this; we feel bad when we quit smoking, because of our mental/physical addiction/attachment to cigarettes. We are (mentally) attached to an illusion caused by advertising and influence/faulty thinking that leads us to believe that, not only do we need cigarettes, but that, it's damn near impossible to quit. (Which opens the door to cessation drugs, devices.)
We are attached to an illusion that we HAVE to HAVE ciggs because of advertising, easy access, and other external factors.
It is an illusion, that we HAVE to HAVE cigarettes because they keep us calm, by soothing us when weare upset and it keeps us company.
It is an illusion, that we cannot live without cigarettes because the nicotine literally toys with our brain, causing us to feel withdrawal, when we stop.
Think about this for a minute; We were not born with a necessity for smoking.
Now, I'm approaching this part very delicately, because I DO NOT want to offend anyone but, with the exception o individuals who were born addicted to a host of drugs (because of selfish, absent-minded mothers who refused to quit smoking while pregnant *rolling my eyes*), we were NOT born addicted to nicotine. So therefore, it stands to reason that the craving for nicotine, comes as a result of external influences. I doubt very, very, very seriously, that those of us who are ex-smokers, and those still smoking, woke up one day and said. "Oooo, it's such a sunny day outside...I think I will start smoking, because I really want to become addicted to nicotine (Happy Smile)." NOT!!
WE ex-smokers and those still smoking, started smoking to fill a void. The void could have been anything. It could have been acceptance/trying to fit in for example, looking cool with the kids who were smoking when we were younger. The void could have been solitude. The void could have even been, I need something to do with my hands or I need something to calm me down, or I want to get higher, let me smoke this cigarette. Either way, an illusion was involved in our starting and maintaining smoking.
The question I think we have to ask ourselves at some point is, "How do we kill the illusions that make us feel that we have voids in our lives, and if we do, how do we fill them, so that we don't try to fill them with artificial means again, in the future?"
When will we say, enough. "I am not going to suffer behind this anymore!!"
Honestly, that is for each person to decide on his/her own.
When you get a chance, do me a favor. Sit down in a protected and quiet space, and after you say this piece to yourself, meditate, reflect on it for a while.. "Right now, here in this moment, I acknowledge that I am whole, just as I am. I do not need (fill in your dragon to slay) to complete me."
Please know that you are not alone in your quest to quit and/or to stay quit.
Like I shared in an earlier post, I may not post every day, but I am here - fighting right along with you, daily to Stay Quit.
Huge Gi-normous love to My Rocktober Family wherever in the world, you may be.
One Big Human Love,
(Throwing my arms around the world, to huggg everybody who will receive it.)
Obi.
Okay! Ready? Here we go!
The Four Noble Truths are;
There is suffering in this life.
The cause of suffering is attachment. ( my words; egoistic attachments to people/places/things viewed through/based upon an illusion.)
The way out of suffering is attainable.
The method to stop suffering is adherence to the Eightfold Path.
Okay, Obi. We got it. Now What?
It hit me that, as it relates to smoking, that we suffer needlessly because of our attachment to an illusion, that we attach to the thing we are addicted to. The other reason why we are suffering is because of someone else's attachment to greed (money). Remember when I was talking about folks who make money off of us? I'm talking about the same people, right here.
"WatchutalkinaboutObi?"
Well, watch this; we feel bad when we quit smoking, because of our mental/physical addiction/attachment to cigarettes. We are (mentally) attached to an illusion caused by advertising and influence/faulty thinking that leads us to believe that, not only do we need cigarettes, but that, it's damn near impossible to quit. (Which opens the door to cessation drugs, devices.)
We are attached to an illusion that we HAVE to HAVE ciggs because of advertising, easy access, and other external factors.
It is an illusion, that we HAVE to HAVE cigarettes because they keep us calm, by soothing us when weare upset and it keeps us company.
It is an illusion, that we cannot live without cigarettes because the nicotine literally toys with our brain, causing us to feel withdrawal, when we stop.
Think about this for a minute; We were not born with a necessity for smoking.
Now, I'm approaching this part very delicately, because I DO NOT want to offend anyone but, with the exception o individuals who were born addicted to a host of drugs (because of selfish, absent-minded mothers who refused to quit smoking while pregnant *rolling my eyes*), we were NOT born addicted to nicotine. So therefore, it stands to reason that the craving for nicotine, comes as a result of external influences. I doubt very, very, very seriously, that those of us who are ex-smokers, and those still smoking, woke up one day and said. "Oooo, it's such a sunny day outside...I think I will start smoking, because I really want to become addicted to nicotine (Happy Smile)." NOT!!
WE ex-smokers and those still smoking, started smoking to fill a void. The void could have been anything. It could have been acceptance/trying to fit in for example, looking cool with the kids who were smoking when we were younger. The void could have been solitude. The void could have even been, I need something to do with my hands or I need something to calm me down, or I want to get higher, let me smoke this cigarette. Either way, an illusion was involved in our starting and maintaining smoking.
The question I think we have to ask ourselves at some point is, "How do we kill the illusions that make us feel that we have voids in our lives, and if we do, how do we fill them, so that we don't try to fill them with artificial means again, in the future?"
When will we say, enough. "I am not going to suffer behind this anymore!!"
Honestly, that is for each person to decide on his/her own.
When you get a chance, do me a favor. Sit down in a protected and quiet space, and after you say this piece to yourself, meditate, reflect on it for a while.. "Right now, here in this moment, I acknowledge that I am whole, just as I am. I do not need (fill in your dragon to slay) to complete me."
Please know that you are not alone in your quest to quit and/or to stay quit.
Like I shared in an earlier post, I may not post every day, but I am here - fighting right along with you, daily to Stay Quit.
Huge Gi-normous love to My Rocktober Family wherever in the world, you may be.
One Big Human Love,
(Throwing my arms around the world, to huggg everybody who will receive it.)
Obi.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Marchin' On....
As of March 27th I am five months in. Yay, me!! Yay to everyone celebrating a Quit anniversary. Yay to everybody who has Quit, and to everyone who is thinking about Quitting.
Big Huggs for everybody..now pass the celery and the spinach dip. :o)
I tend to think of a lot of concepts at once which makes it appear that mymind is like a rollercoaster. In some ways, it is. Please are with me. It's gonna seem like I'm all over the place, but I will get
to the bottom of what it is, that I'm sharing.
Do you ever get the feeling that you are the only one playing by the rules, that were taught to you, by your grandparents/parents/guardians, or the rules/ethics/morals that you established for yourself as you got older?
Now, I need to be clear. I'm not talking to the folks who have been taught destructive
rules which include hating other people for no good reason. This isn't that type of blog
and I'm not that type of person.
I'm also not talking about rules like, "Don't wear white after Labor Day or before Memorial Day,"
or, "Don't mix your peas with your mashed potatoes." *giggle*
Nope. I'm talking about the rules like, "Fairness; Being respectful to elders; Having patience with children; Don't date anyone your friend has ever dated; Don't steal; Don't hurt folks feelings if you don't have to; Being honest, without eing destructive; Looking out for your fellow human being; Being conscious of the earth and those who live on it.
Why is it that the people who are about destruction, hate, and chaos, seem to get away with whatever it is that they are doing? Is it me, or do they have some connect to the universe that permits them to do what they want, how they want, and to whom they want to do it?
I mean, take us for example. There are people who work for various companies who (subconsciously) rely on us to keep smoking. The way I see it, if we smoke, we contribute to the following and this is by no means, a complete list;
Smokers keep tobacco companies up and running.
Smokers help to keep conveniance stores open and folks behind the counter employed.
Smokers help to keep physicians employed, particularly cardiologist, ENT Specialists,
Smokers help to keep folks who create Smoking Cessation Programs and supplements employed.
Smokers help to keep the pharmaceutical companies employed.
Now pause for a second and think about this; These people have sat back, and developed a method for folks to become addicted to their product. They push the product in an underhanded way, left and right. Folks who are still smoking are paying their money, for these companies to kill them.
It's like putting a bounty on your own head, just waiting for the time when you are cut down.
These folks are counting on Smokers, to stay addicted. Why in the hell, should folks continue to smoke, to make thesevpeople comfortable? It's almost as if they are pimping out the body, counting on the addiction, to keep money in their pockets.
Whatever happened to, "Wow, I can't make that product.somebody might get hurt." I know times are hard and it's difficult to even suggest to folks that they refuse work when so many are unemployed, looking for work, and or currently suffering because they don't have an income or even a job prospect. It's a little difficult to work out ethics and morals when you're hungry or your children are starving. I get it. Trust me.
I just wonder what the hell happened to "I AM MY BROTHERS/SISTERS KEEPER"???
The ultimate message that I am trying to share is, "These people who are manipluating
addictions (no matter what it is) don't care about you or me in the least bit. It's time that
we stop the bullshit and get a grip on our sensibilities." They are killing us with our help!!!
If we can't think of any other reason to quit or stay quit, let this be one...
"WE ARE NOT THEIR F*^%#)NG CRASH TEST DUMMY PRODUCT WHORES!!!"
Stepping down off of my Soap Box. Putting Soap Box in my big purse and taking a huge cleansing breath.
I apologize for the profanity. I am frustrated by what I see. It's as if humanity is on a decline. And it's not like aliens or animals are doing this to us....we are doing it to ourselves.
Much Love to My Rocktober Family....wherever you may be in the world.
Shout out to my Rocktober Family in Japan/China. *smiling & waving!!*
A Huge Huge Welcome to Scotty Caile, Olivia Justus, and Barjo!!
Thanks for coming along for the ride... :o)
Stay Strong, Stay Quit, Stay Empowered, Stay Encouraged
One Human Love,
Obi. :o)
Big Huggs for everybody..now pass the celery and the spinach dip. :o)
I tend to think of a lot of concepts at once which makes it appear that mymind is like a rollercoaster. In some ways, it is. Please are with me. It's gonna seem like I'm all over the place, but I will get
to the bottom of what it is, that I'm sharing.
Do you ever get the feeling that you are the only one playing by the rules, that were taught to you, by your grandparents/parents/guardians, or the rules/ethics/morals that you established for yourself as you got older?
Now, I need to be clear. I'm not talking to the folks who have been taught destructive
rules which include hating other people for no good reason. This isn't that type of blog
and I'm not that type of person.
I'm also not talking about rules like, "Don't wear white after Labor Day or before Memorial Day,"
or, "Don't mix your peas with your mashed potatoes." *giggle*
Nope. I'm talking about the rules like, "Fairness; Being respectful to elders; Having patience with children; Don't date anyone your friend has ever dated; Don't steal; Don't hurt folks feelings if you don't have to; Being honest, without eing destructive; Looking out for your fellow human being; Being conscious of the earth and those who live on it.
Why is it that the people who are about destruction, hate, and chaos, seem to get away with whatever it is that they are doing? Is it me, or do they have some connect to the universe that permits them to do what they want, how they want, and to whom they want to do it?
I mean, take us for example. There are people who work for various companies who (subconsciously) rely on us to keep smoking. The way I see it, if we smoke, we contribute to the following and this is by no means, a complete list;
Smokers keep tobacco companies up and running.
Smokers help to keep conveniance stores open and folks behind the counter employed.
Smokers help to keep physicians employed, particularly cardiologist, ENT Specialists,
Smokers help to keep folks who create Smoking Cessation Programs and supplements employed.
Smokers help to keep the pharmaceutical companies employed.
Now pause for a second and think about this; These people have sat back, and developed a method for folks to become addicted to their product. They push the product in an underhanded way, left and right. Folks who are still smoking are paying their money, for these companies to kill them.
It's like putting a bounty on your own head, just waiting for the time when you are cut down.
These folks are counting on Smokers, to stay addicted. Why in the hell, should folks continue to smoke, to make thesevpeople comfortable? It's almost as if they are pimping out the body, counting on the addiction, to keep money in their pockets.
Whatever happened to, "Wow, I can't make that product.somebody might get hurt." I know times are hard and it's difficult to even suggest to folks that they refuse work when so many are unemployed, looking for work, and or currently suffering because they don't have an income or even a job prospect. It's a little difficult to work out ethics and morals when you're hungry or your children are starving. I get it. Trust me.
I just wonder what the hell happened to "I AM MY BROTHERS/SISTERS KEEPER"???
The ultimate message that I am trying to share is, "These people who are manipluating
addictions (no matter what it is) don't care about you or me in the least bit. It's time that
we stop the bullshit and get a grip on our sensibilities." They are killing us with our help!!!
FOLKS WHO HAVE QUIT OR WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT QUITTING. YOU DID NOT AND WILL NOT LOSE A DAMN THING! YOU GAINED OR WILL GAIN,
YOUR INDEPENDENCE FROM PEOPLE WHO SIT BEHIND FANCY DESKS
AND WANT TO KEEP YOU ADDICTED TO NICOTINE.
If we can't think of any other reason to quit or stay quit, let this be one...
"WE ARE NOT THEIR F*^%#)NG CRASH TEST DUMMY PRODUCT WHORES!!!"
It's not okay, to produce a product, that kills people.
IT'S NOT OKAY!!!
Stepping down off of my Soap Box. Putting Soap Box in my big purse and taking a huge cleansing breath.
I apologize for the profanity. I am frustrated by what I see. It's as if humanity is on a decline. And it's not like aliens or animals are doing this to us....we are doing it to ourselves.
Much Love to My Rocktober Family....wherever you may be in the world.
Shout out to my Rocktober Family in Japan/China. *smiling & waving!!*
A Huge Huge Welcome to Scotty Caile, Olivia Justus, and Barjo!!
Thanks for coming along for the ride... :o)
Stay Strong, Stay Quit, Stay Empowered, Stay Encouraged
One Human Love,
Obi. :o)
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Walkin' the Talk, of My "Peace" of Mind....
One of the things I find to be a challenge is applying what I have learned
or studied in order to sustain my inner peace, in a heated moment.
I still catch myself, when I am about to lose it.
Is this a left over from My Quit? Could be, but I doubt it. I have always
had a very short fuse with folks who are mean, nasty, and insensitive.
I don't think I have "arrived" where I want to be in terms of shutting off the
automatic response when I get upset/angry. Heck, I don't even think I'm
at the train station. lol.
I am however, very conscious of my behavior. I have everything else
under (perceived) control. It's important for me to keep balance with all
things. If you knew what I did for a living, you'd laugh. Trust me.
You'd think that a lot of this comes second nature, but some of it doesn't.
What I have found, thus far is, it's about seconds. It's about mindfulness
during those seconds when you are in a heated discussion or you feel you are
about to blow. You have to slow your time, down, or your perception of
time, It takes practice, but it can be done. I've done it.
"Why do you care? If someone says/does something mean or hurtful,
they deserve what you give them."
Nope. I don't think so. Not in all cases. And believe me, it's also
not about suppressing your feelings. Anybody who tells you that it is,
is full of fiddle faddle and malarkey.
See, here is my thought; "YOU CAN'T UNHEAR OR UNFEEL WORDS
ONCE THEY HAVE BEEN SPOKEN." To me, it's so much better to
manage your response than have to say, "I'm sorry," or "Forgive me," or
"I apologize for hurting your feelings."
It's not that I have an issue with apologizing. Nope. That's not it.It's just
that I feel (strongly) that sometimes, even with an apology, that first thrust
of pain, at hearing someone say something that rips you apart, can not be undone.
Not even by the most sincere apology will it go away. Somewhere in the
recesses of your mind, you will pull back that memory, when you least expect it, or
least need to relive it.
I think that our destiny is determined by our ability to control how we
respond in that split second that has the ability to change our lives
for good, or for not so good. To me, it boils down to our ability to
control our breath/breathing in the moment. The breath of life.
The breath is life. You can alter the course/direction of your life
by working with the breath.
Now, here's the deal. If you're still smoking..uhm..alright...nevermind.
I'm not gonna preach. I didn't like folks preaching to me when I was smoked.
"Well, how do you do this breathing thing, Obi?"
I can tell you how I have managed to do it a few times. Like I said, I'm
not there yet. But I am getting there, slowly but surely.
When I get upset, (which is really a feeling of loss of control or feeling
of being attacked), I feel my face tighten, my nose flare, my eyes squint,
the tops of my ears get hot, my mind focuses in real tight to find a
grammatically correct, "shuttem' down," kick ass retort, my heart-rate increases,
my tummy feels anxious, and through all of this, I have not taken a breath.
Seriously. It is the lack of breathing, that gets me/us, every single time.
Now you might thing this has taken about two or three minutes.
Nope. This happens in seconds.
The last time this happened to me, I became really aware of how tense my
body became and that I had stopped breathing. I stopped. Looked around me.
Took a breath. Blinked my eyes and thought of humming. All of this, happened
for me, in slow motion. As I took the breath, I payed attention to my inner me.
I'm going to be very blunt here with what I said to myself. Nope, it's not pretty
and I do need to change it, to reflect a more peaceful resolution for working
through changing my automatic response. I smiled, and I said,
"F*%k you. You are not worth my peace," and I laughed (actually with a snort)
shook my head, and walked away.
I think, what has changed is that, it's not a fleeting, superficial, act for me
anymore. I mean it, when I say these affirmations to myself.
I need to re-work the phrase for a better fit. It's freeing for me as is, but it's also very toxic.
The other reason I need to re-work it, is that, we all have worth.
Just because we don't agree with someone or like them doesn't devalue their personhood.
Everybody on this earth, has worth to someone else, even if it's for a moment in time.
Anyhooo, I quit smoking four months ago, my lovelies. I am not going to replace one toxin for another. *wink*
Welcome to Rick Hubbard. Thanks for coming along for the ride!!! :o)
Sending Healing Love & Energy to my ROCKTOBER Family, where-ever in
the world, you may be. Also sending Healing Energy to all those who may have
just quit and to those whom are still smoking, but thinking about quitting.
I might not post every single day, but I am here for ya. Remember that, if you
should feel alone in your quest to Quit Smoking. :o)
One Human Love, For the World.
Obi :o)
or studied in order to sustain my inner peace, in a heated moment.
I still catch myself, when I am about to lose it.
Is this a left over from My Quit? Could be, but I doubt it. I have always
had a very short fuse with folks who are mean, nasty, and insensitive.
I don't think I have "arrived" where I want to be in terms of shutting off the
automatic response when I get upset/angry. Heck, I don't even think I'm
at the train station. lol.
I am however, very conscious of my behavior. I have everything else
under (perceived) control. It's important for me to keep balance with all
things. If you knew what I did for a living, you'd laugh. Trust me.
You'd think that a lot of this comes second nature, but some of it doesn't.
What I have found, thus far is, it's about seconds. It's about mindfulness
during those seconds when you are in a heated discussion or you feel you are
about to blow. You have to slow your time, down, or your perception of
time, It takes practice, but it can be done. I've done it.
"Why do you care? If someone says/does something mean or hurtful,
they deserve what you give them."
Nope. I don't think so. Not in all cases. And believe me, it's also
not about suppressing your feelings. Anybody who tells you that it is,
is full of fiddle faddle and malarkey.
See, here is my thought; "YOU CAN'T UNHEAR OR UNFEEL WORDS
ONCE THEY HAVE BEEN SPOKEN." To me, it's so much better to
manage your response than have to say, "I'm sorry," or "Forgive me," or
"I apologize for hurting your feelings."
It's not that I have an issue with apologizing. Nope. That's not it.It's just
that I feel (strongly) that sometimes, even with an apology, that first thrust
of pain, at hearing someone say something that rips you apart, can not be undone.
Not even by the most sincere apology will it go away. Somewhere in the
recesses of your mind, you will pull back that memory, when you least expect it, or
least need to relive it.
I think that our destiny is determined by our ability to control how we
respond in that split second that has the ability to change our lives
for good, or for not so good. To me, it boils down to our ability to
control our breath/breathing in the moment. The breath of life.
The breath is life. You can alter the course/direction of your life
by working with the breath.
Now, here's the deal. If you're still smoking..uhm..alright...nevermind.
I'm not gonna preach. I didn't like folks preaching to me when I was smoked.
"Well, how do you do this breathing thing, Obi?"
I can tell you how I have managed to do it a few times. Like I said, I'm
not there yet. But I am getting there, slowly but surely.
When I get upset, (which is really a feeling of loss of control or feeling
of being attacked), I feel my face tighten, my nose flare, my eyes squint,
the tops of my ears get hot, my mind focuses in real tight to find a
grammatically correct, "shuttem' down," kick ass retort, my heart-rate increases,
my tummy feels anxious, and through all of this, I have not taken a breath.
Seriously. It is the lack of breathing, that gets me/us, every single time.
Now you might thing this has taken about two or three minutes.
Nope. This happens in seconds.
The last time this happened to me, I became really aware of how tense my
body became and that I had stopped breathing. I stopped. Looked around me.
Took a breath. Blinked my eyes and thought of humming. All of this, happened
for me, in slow motion. As I took the breath, I payed attention to my inner me.
I'm going to be very blunt here with what I said to myself. Nope, it's not pretty
and I do need to change it, to reflect a more peaceful resolution for working
through changing my automatic response. I smiled, and I said,
"F*%k you. You are not worth my peace," and I laughed (actually with a snort)
shook my head, and walked away.
I think, what has changed is that, it's not a fleeting, superficial, act for me
anymore. I mean it, when I say these affirmations to myself.
I need to re-work the phrase for a better fit. It's freeing for me as is, but it's also very toxic.
The other reason I need to re-work it, is that, we all have worth.
Just because we don't agree with someone or like them doesn't devalue their personhood.
Everybody on this earth, has worth to someone else, even if it's for a moment in time.
Anyhooo, I quit smoking four months ago, my lovelies. I am not going to replace one toxin for another. *wink*
Welcome to Rick Hubbard. Thanks for coming along for the ride!!! :o)
Sending Healing Love & Energy to my ROCKTOBER Family, where-ever in
the world, you may be. Also sending Healing Energy to all those who may have
just quit and to those whom are still smoking, but thinking about quitting.
I might not post every single day, but I am here for ya. Remember that, if you
should feel alone in your quest to Quit Smoking. :o)
One Human Love, For the World.
Obi :o)
Thursday, February 23, 2012
"Sittin On The Edge of the......"
"Bed...watchin the timeeeee roll away....." lololol.
So, I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, and something came to me.
When I smoked because I was stressed out about something, it didn't help me think.
Instead, it stopped me from thinking about the problem, to the point, I would stop dealing
with it for the time being.
The pleasure of the nicotine, calmed me down, and made me think of something else, so that I would end up avoiding whatever I was dealing with, until I could deal with it-or until I wanted to deal with it. Hmmmm.
It also stopped me from "feeling" my feelings, in addition to avoiding the thought process.
I think this is why lately, I have been feeling things more intently and reacting with purpose,
in my feelings. I don't have the cigs to run to, to smoke in order to, what did we call it, "clear my mind.." lol.
Ugh..I get it. My coping mechanism, which was my "Killing Mechanism," is gone.
When things get on my nerves now, I am dealing with it, head on, without a cushion.
Therefore, I need a new strategy to deal with stuff that gets on my nerves. Not a new avoidance
mechanism, but something that will help me focus in a little more. I want to deal with major stuff, like what happened to my car, more efficiently, so that I don't hold it in Don't misunderstand. I am very clear that this thing did not happen to me (Thank the God of my understanding). My car can be fixed.
The stress of other things are starting to take their toll on me. Even though I have been working towards changing those things, no result has come as of yet.
Not gonna give up though and I damn sure will not give in - I wasn't born to fail. I may trip and stumble. Hell, I might even fall flat on my face dammit, but get this; with support and prayer, I will get the hell up. I am a winner. And get this; so are you!
"How the hell do you know that, Obi? You don't know me!!"
Ah ha, my friend! I may not know you well enough to invite you to brunch, to a football game, or even to the grand opening of a can of beans, BUT the one thing that I do know about you is THIS; one of the many things we have in common is that, YOU and I both, were the tadpoles that beat the CRAP out of the other tadpoles to make to the womb ~ Umm hmmm..yes, Yes, YES!!....Hell Yeah!! (Doin' the Pee Wee Herman Dance) lolololol.
(cue Queen/Freddy Mercury(R.I.P., Freddy))Weeee Arrre the Champions My Frienddddsss...and
Weeee'll Keep on Fighting till the Ennddddd....!!!"
I'm raising a glass of (iced) Green Tea to my Rocktober Family, where-ever they may be in the world, and to the folks who are Staying Quit, and to the folks who haven't Quit yet, but whom are thinking about it. Come on, we're waiting for you, whenever you get ready, we'll be here!! :o)
One Human Love, with Big Huggs
Till next time, Obi.
So, I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, and something came to me.
When I smoked because I was stressed out about something, it didn't help me think.
Instead, it stopped me from thinking about the problem, to the point, I would stop dealing
with it for the time being.
The pleasure of the nicotine, calmed me down, and made me think of something else, so that I would end up avoiding whatever I was dealing with, until I could deal with it-or until I wanted to deal with it. Hmmmm.
It also stopped me from "feeling" my feelings, in addition to avoiding the thought process.
I think this is why lately, I have been feeling things more intently and reacting with purpose,
in my feelings. I don't have the cigs to run to, to smoke in order to, what did we call it, "clear my mind.." lol.
Ugh..I get it. My coping mechanism, which was my "Killing Mechanism," is gone.
When things get on my nerves now, I am dealing with it, head on, without a cushion.
Therefore, I need a new strategy to deal with stuff that gets on my nerves. Not a new avoidance
mechanism, but something that will help me focus in a little more. I want to deal with major stuff, like what happened to my car, more efficiently, so that I don't hold it in Don't misunderstand. I am very clear that this thing did not happen to me (Thank the God of my understanding). My car can be fixed.
The stress of other things are starting to take their toll on me. Even though I have been working towards changing those things, no result has come as of yet.
Not gonna give up though and I damn sure will not give in - I wasn't born to fail. I may trip and stumble. Hell, I might even fall flat on my face dammit, but get this; with support and prayer, I will get the hell up. I am a winner. And get this; so are you!
"How the hell do you know that, Obi? You don't know me!!"
Ah ha, my friend! I may not know you well enough to invite you to brunch, to a football game, or even to the grand opening of a can of beans, BUT the one thing that I do know about you is THIS; one of the many things we have in common is that, YOU and I both, were the tadpoles that beat the CRAP out of the other tadpoles to make to the womb ~ Umm hmmm..yes, Yes, YES!!....Hell Yeah!! (Doin' the Pee Wee Herman Dance) lolololol.
(cue Queen/Freddy Mercury(R.I.P., Freddy))Weeee Arrre the Champions My Frienddddsss...and
Weeee'll Keep on Fighting till the Ennddddd....!!!"
I'm raising a glass of (iced) Green Tea to my Rocktober Family, where-ever they may be in the world, and to the folks who are Staying Quit, and to the folks who haven't Quit yet, but whom are thinking about it. Come on, we're waiting for you, whenever you get ready, we'll be here!! :o)
One Human Love, with Big Huggs
Till next time, Obi.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Walking the Bridge Over Troubled Waters.....
For the last few weeks, I've been trying to write an entry for the blog. And it's
been rough for me. A theme will come to me, I sit down to write, and something
on the national stage happens, that causes me to rethink the point of my
post and the words I want to use, and then I lose it. My emotions
get in the way, and I just go blank.
Now, would that be a writers block or writers cramp? lol.
It's odd that my emotions play a part in this seeing as I've been
accused in the past of, "living in my head." Guess they were wrong.
I respect the thought processes of those reading the blog. I do not want to waste folks
time with nonsense. I want to keep this blog honest, fresh, fun and releveant
to it's purpose and not fill it up with a bunch of useless B.S., so I'm careful
in that regard, with what I write.
The first thing that made me pause was, Iran and Isreal. Are these people insane?
I'm talking about both sides, not just one. Then it was the situation in Syria,
then those poor babies, being killed by their sick ass father, blowing up the
house, then Whitney Houston, then the icing on the cake, some person hits
my car, tares it up to be damned, and drives off without leaving a note.
You might ask, "What does that all have to do with Quitting Smoking?"
Once again, as I stated before in another post, its stress. Stress is a trigger.
"Why would you care about what's happening in Syria, you don't know those people?"
The folks in Syria, are human beings. Just like anyplace else in the world.
They deserve to be heard and treated with respect.
"Why would you care about what happened to those babies?
You didn't know them, they weren't your relatives?"
Again, it doesn't matter if I knew them!! Those were INNOCENT children.
For the record, in my personal book, anyone who harms children, elders,
animals, and folks who can't defend themselves, are pieces of SH%#.
"Why would you care about Whitney Houston? She had everything
and didn't know what to do with it."
Did she really have everything, if she was addicted? She clearly did
not have peace of mind. Part of what Whitney went through in life,
is what we who have issues with any type of addiction, go through every
day. The thought of relapse is a damned scary thing, especially when you kick ass
every day, to say, "F*^% No!," to whatever habit you're trying to kick.
Addiction isn't a joke, and over all isn't to be taken lightly. Addiction has shown that
it doesn't care about who you are, and how much money you have and how many people
love you.
I notice that after three months quit, my addiction to nicotine has taken a new seat.
It's in front of me. It's as if the addiction has said, "Okay, you've had your fun - now I'm
going to break you," and has pulled up one of those metal chairs, that you see
in Corrections facilities, with the green plastic cushion, and is sitting squarely
in front of me, leaning down on its elbows, looking me straight in the eye.
It's dressed in a suit and tie. In fact, my addiction looks like that guy, "Mayhem"
on the Allstate commercial, which is wierd because I think he's cute.
Anyway, here's the truth about how I feel. In my head, I am clear about not smoking.
I have not smoked and therefore I will not smoke. But for some strange reason, '
the automatic desire has reared it's head after going away.
So, we're gonna go back to basics. One second, one minute, one hour, one
day, at a time. Just One Day.
Some folks may be able to shrug off the stuff I listed, but for me,
it all just makes me think, really. It gives me reason to pause and examine
my own life. Not sure if anyone can understand this,but sometimes, when I hear about
war, injustice, and people being killed, even if its in a remote part of the world,
I get a pain in my stomach. It's like a dull ache. I become very sad for a
time, reflecting on the loss of life.
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, and I don't know how I know this, but
we don't have to live this way, as a species. We don't have to kill each other.
There are enough resources to go around. It's just not neccessary for folks
to go hungry. It's not necessary for folks to be homeless.
It's not necessary for folks to be dying of diseases that are ultimately
started by behaviors that either could be avoided OR not introduced due to
people being placed in positions to survive any way they can.
It's not always necessary for somebody to lose, in order for someone else to win in
the passage of human life. Sure, there is a battle for survival going on
in the animal kingdom, and with micro-organisms. But dammit, come on!?
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!! WE KNOW BETTER BECAUSE OF HISTORY!?!?!
Love & Freedom to My Rocktober Family, Folks following the Blog, and anyone new to their Quit and folks who are still thinking about Quitting. If you take the step, I'll be here for you.
I'm gonna close by asking everybody to check the lyrics of this song. Heard it yesterday. Listened to it, as a youngster. I think you'll get the message.
One Human Love to Everyone & Plenty of Hugs,
Till Next Time...Obi.
been rough for me. A theme will come to me, I sit down to write, and something
on the national stage happens, that causes me to rethink the point of my
post and the words I want to use, and then I lose it. My emotions
get in the way, and I just go blank.
Now, would that be a writers block or writers cramp? lol.
It's odd that my emotions play a part in this seeing as I've been
accused in the past of, "living in my head." Guess they were wrong.
I respect the thought processes of those reading the blog. I do not want to waste folks
time with nonsense. I want to keep this blog honest, fresh, fun and releveant
to it's purpose and not fill it up with a bunch of useless B.S., so I'm careful
in that regard, with what I write.
The first thing that made me pause was, Iran and Isreal. Are these people insane?
I'm talking about both sides, not just one. Then it was the situation in Syria,
then those poor babies, being killed by their sick ass father, blowing up the
house, then Whitney Houston, then the icing on the cake, some person hits
my car, tares it up to be damned, and drives off without leaving a note.
You might ask, "What does that all have to do with Quitting Smoking?"
Once again, as I stated before in another post, its stress. Stress is a trigger.
"Why would you care about what's happening in Syria, you don't know those people?"
The folks in Syria, are human beings. Just like anyplace else in the world.
They deserve to be heard and treated with respect.
"Why would you care about what happened to those babies?
You didn't know them, they weren't your relatives?"
Again, it doesn't matter if I knew them!! Those were INNOCENT children.
For the record, in my personal book, anyone who harms children, elders,
animals, and folks who can't defend themselves, are pieces of SH%#.
"Why would you care about Whitney Houston? She had everything
and didn't know what to do with it."
Did she really have everything, if she was addicted? She clearly did
not have peace of mind. Part of what Whitney went through in life,
is what we who have issues with any type of addiction, go through every
day. The thought of relapse is a damned scary thing, especially when you kick ass
every day, to say, "F*^% No!," to whatever habit you're trying to kick.
Addiction isn't a joke, and over all isn't to be taken lightly. Addiction has shown that
it doesn't care about who you are, and how much money you have and how many people
love you.
I notice that after three months quit, my addiction to nicotine has taken a new seat.
It's in front of me. It's as if the addiction has said, "Okay, you've had your fun - now I'm
going to break you," and has pulled up one of those metal chairs, that you see
in Corrections facilities, with the green plastic cushion, and is sitting squarely
in front of me, leaning down on its elbows, looking me straight in the eye.
It's dressed in a suit and tie. In fact, my addiction looks like that guy, "Mayhem"
on the Allstate commercial, which is wierd because I think he's cute.
Anyway, here's the truth about how I feel. In my head, I am clear about not smoking.
I have not smoked and therefore I will not smoke. But for some strange reason, '
the automatic desire has reared it's head after going away.
So, we're gonna go back to basics. One second, one minute, one hour, one
day, at a time. Just One Day.
Some folks may be able to shrug off the stuff I listed, but for me,
it all just makes me think, really. It gives me reason to pause and examine
my own life. Not sure if anyone can understand this,but sometimes, when I hear about
war, injustice, and people being killed, even if its in a remote part of the world,
I get a pain in my stomach. It's like a dull ache. I become very sad for a
time, reflecting on the loss of life.
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, and I don't know how I know this, but
we don't have to live this way, as a species. We don't have to kill each other.
There are enough resources to go around. It's just not neccessary for folks
to go hungry. It's not necessary for folks to be homeless.
It's not necessary for folks to be dying of diseases that are ultimately
started by behaviors that either could be avoided OR not introduced due to
people being placed in positions to survive any way they can.
It's not always necessary for somebody to lose, in order for someone else to win in
the passage of human life. Sure, there is a battle for survival going on
in the animal kingdom, and with micro-organisms. But dammit, come on!?
WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!! WE KNOW BETTER BECAUSE OF HISTORY!?!?!
The inability to make sound choices in order to cope with the stresses of life
and living, are what opens the door to our addictions.
Our inability to control the behavior, once we have found pleasure in our coping tool, gives permission to our addictions to get comfortable and become a part of our lives.
We've GOT to stop letting the addiction of hatred and greed of a few,
have a seat at the table of humanity.
(Me, Obi -Feb 19th, 2012).
Love & Freedom to My Rocktober Family, Folks following the Blog, and anyone new to their Quit and folks who are still thinking about Quitting. If you take the step, I'll be here for you.
I'm gonna close by asking everybody to check the lyrics of this song. Heard it yesterday. Listened to it, as a youngster. I think you'll get the message.
One Human Love to Everyone & Plenty of Hugs,
Till Next Time...Obi.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
THREE MONTHS QUIT???...AWWEE, SHH&%$ !!!!
Guess what? January 27th, 2012, marked my third month, Quit.
(Deliberate pause)
Yaaaayyy! Whoop Whoop Whoop!! Whose ya' Momma!?!?!? Yeahh, Baby!!! (Rollin' arm like Arsenio Hall..Runnin' around slappin' high fives in tha air...lol.)
Okay. I had to let that out. I've been holding it pretty much all day. I shared that this is my third month Quit with folks. Some just don't seem to get it. It's okay. I'm a party all by myself. I am proud of myself for getting this far, but that does not overshadow the humility I feel for the entire process. It's a struggle on some days. I still get the automatic urge, when I'm not on my game. I acknowledge what the urge is, why I am having it, and I move the hell on. I don't have time to entertain urges anymore. The urges get NO LOVE from me.
Anyhoo. I'm still walking. Walked 1.2 miles one way. This is what happens when you're walking with someone you admire and having really good conversation. You actually walk further, faster. lol. I need to do a better job with stretching and hydrating because I got leg cramps in the middle of the night. Can we say, "OUCH!!!??". I also need to wear better leg gear. My thighs were a bit frosty on the walk back.
I am so thankful to the God of my understanding, for this opportunity to QUIT, and the desire to STAY QUIT. If anyone is reading this blog for the first time, and wants to quit, or is thinking about quitting, check it out. You may not have to do all of this stuff. I'm just sharing how I did it, so IF you want to, make your own plan, and work it out.
This is what I did;
I planned a month in advance, when I was going to quit. But prior to that month, I thought about Quitting, All The Time!
I smoked every day, until my Quit Time & Date. (October 27th, 2011 @ 12:01 AM.)
I made a list of reasons why I wanted to Quit.
I prepared self talk. Real conversations that only I, could have with myself about doing the right thing
and the wrong thing, and the many justifications that I came up with for my Stinkin' Thinkin'.
I believed that I could Quit. I got it in my head, that I could do this and that nothing and no one, was going to stop me. Not even ME. I did not see it as, I was losing something. I saw it as re-gaining my independence from a controlling force, that I could not see.
I gave myself options. For example, instead of smoking I could cut my hair, buy stuff (within reason), try new cocktails (within reason), anything but smoke. As far as the urges go, I could roll around on the floor, scream, kick, stretch, sing, hum, do kegals (see an earlier post about the kegals) go, WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP. Anything but take a puff, to deal with the craving. I embraced the pain of the cravings, as markers for growth and to remind myself of what its going to feel like, if I mess up on this quit.
I prepared spiritually, by chanting the Daimoku, which is "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo". (Not saying you have to do this, but some sort of meditation is helpful.) Whatever spiritual/meditative piece you use, make sure you use it in a way that permits you to get inside and deal with YOU. Shut everyone else out for this, your special time and work on repairing, loving, and forgiving YOU.
I prepared by using visualization. I imagined my Quit Self and what she looked like, how she behaved as a Non-Smoker. **She looked cute as a non-smoker...fresh, flirty, positive, bright, self-confident, ready to help others, full of energy**
I began to examine, my behavior in terms of what I believed, smoking was doing for me. I did a lot of reflection and retraced my steps, examining how I failed my first quit that lasted five years.
I resolved to take this quit slowly...even if it meant taking it one minute at a time.
I refuse to let My Quit, get dull. I am going to have fun with this. Don't believe me? Check out some of my past posts. lol.
I prepared by buying a case of water, providing cinnamon candy and gum sexy pops (lollipops) started playing video games, increased my crochet time. I decided to take accountability for my Quit and OWN IT. It's mine. Not anyone else's.
I thought about the mind f&^% that the tobacco industry, has been playing on me and folks like me, who are nicotine addicts, all over the world.
This was NOT a part of the plan. I joined a Smoking Cessation Group, online. I L.O.V.E. IT
Believe it or not, I look forward to checking in with my Quit Buddies from time to time. I enjoy reading various posts. Let's me know that I am not alone in this quest to STAY QUIT.
The folks in the Smoking Cessation forum are so, so, so, kind. From observation, a lot of folks on/in this forum, "Pay It Forward". It's so amazing to see. Sometimes, I get a little emotional reading how folks who will probably never meet each other, reach out and support each other through a very challenging time. It's simply amazing to observe, the level of human loving kindness in the forum.
Every day I get stronger. Every day I am more thankful. Every day I become more humble as I walk this journey to Stay Quit. I'm dedicating this blog entry to my Rocktober Family, BuddyClyde, Frank, Jim, Lori, and David in Canada, BCBabbler, Honefone, Shakti, Deez, Mistydog, LadyCity, the Moderators, and a host of other folks whom I admire for their inner strength and resolve, to simply say, "Hey, no matter what, I am NOT giving up."
This is such a wonderful journey of self discovery, self exploration, and self recovery. Every day, by the Grace of the God of my understanding, I get to find out, just how tough I think I am, in terms of being able to stay on course and to stay on my game with my Quit. So far, so good.
(((((Scrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeccchhh))))
Enough of the serious stuff!!!!!
I'm ready to dance and celebrate being Nicotine Free!!! Come on!! Everybody who has Quit and is Staying Quit, party with me!! Shucks, even if you haven't stopped smoking yet and are just thinkin' about it, let's go!! Click the video and where Justin says, "I'm bringin' sexy back," say, "I'm bringin' Smokeless back.." We'll figure what to do with the rest of the lyrics later....for right now, "Raise your hands in the air...and wave em' like you just don't care...if you've drowned the sticks, and you're ready to Quit, somebody say, "OH YEAH!!!!"
One Human Love,
Obi.
(Deliberate pause)
Yaaaayyy! Whoop Whoop Whoop!! Whose ya' Momma!?!?!? Yeahh, Baby!!! (Rollin' arm like Arsenio Hall..Runnin' around slappin' high fives in tha air...lol.)
Okay. I had to let that out. I've been holding it pretty much all day. I shared that this is my third month Quit with folks. Some just don't seem to get it. It's okay. I'm a party all by myself. I am proud of myself for getting this far, but that does not overshadow the humility I feel for the entire process. It's a struggle on some days. I still get the automatic urge, when I'm not on my game. I acknowledge what the urge is, why I am having it, and I move the hell on. I don't have time to entertain urges anymore. The urges get NO LOVE from me.
Anyhoo. I'm still walking. Walked 1.2 miles one way. This is what happens when you're walking with someone you admire and having really good conversation. You actually walk further, faster. lol. I need to do a better job with stretching and hydrating because I got leg cramps in the middle of the night. Can we say, "OUCH!!!??". I also need to wear better leg gear. My thighs were a bit frosty on the walk back.
I am so thankful to the God of my understanding, for this opportunity to QUIT, and the desire to STAY QUIT. If anyone is reading this blog for the first time, and wants to quit, or is thinking about quitting, check it out. You may not have to do all of this stuff. I'm just sharing how I did it, so IF you want to, make your own plan, and work it out.
This is what I did;
I planned a month in advance, when I was going to quit. But prior to that month, I thought about Quitting, All The Time!
I smoked every day, until my Quit Time & Date. (October 27th, 2011 @ 12:01 AM.)
I made a list of reasons why I wanted to Quit.
I prepared self talk. Real conversations that only I, could have with myself about doing the right thing
and the wrong thing, and the many justifications that I came up with for my Stinkin' Thinkin'.
I believed that I could Quit. I got it in my head, that I could do this and that nothing and no one, was going to stop me. Not even ME. I did not see it as, I was losing something. I saw it as re-gaining my independence from a controlling force, that I could not see.
I gave myself options. For example, instead of smoking I could cut my hair, buy stuff (within reason), try new cocktails (within reason), anything but smoke. As far as the urges go, I could roll around on the floor, scream, kick, stretch, sing, hum, do kegals (see an earlier post about the kegals) go, WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP. Anything but take a puff, to deal with the craving. I embraced the pain of the cravings, as markers for growth and to remind myself of what its going to feel like, if I mess up on this quit.
I prepared spiritually, by chanting the Daimoku, which is "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo". (Not saying you have to do this, but some sort of meditation is helpful.) Whatever spiritual/meditative piece you use, make sure you use it in a way that permits you to get inside and deal with YOU. Shut everyone else out for this, your special time and work on repairing, loving, and forgiving YOU.
I prepared by using visualization. I imagined my Quit Self and what she looked like, how she behaved as a Non-Smoker. **She looked cute as a non-smoker...fresh, flirty, positive, bright, self-confident, ready to help others, full of energy**
I began to examine, my behavior in terms of what I believed, smoking was doing for me. I did a lot of reflection and retraced my steps, examining how I failed my first quit that lasted five years.
I resolved to take this quit slowly...even if it meant taking it one minute at a time.
I refuse to let My Quit, get dull. I am going to have fun with this. Don't believe me? Check out some of my past posts. lol.
I prepared by buying a case of water, providing cinnamon candy and gum sexy pops (lollipops) started playing video games, increased my crochet time. I decided to take accountability for my Quit and OWN IT. It's mine. Not anyone else's.
I thought about the mind f&^% that the tobacco industry, has been playing on me and folks like me, who are nicotine addicts, all over the world.
This was NOT a part of the plan. I joined a Smoking Cessation Group, online. I L.O.V.E. IT
Believe it or not, I look forward to checking in with my Quit Buddies from time to time. I enjoy reading various posts. Let's me know that I am not alone in this quest to STAY QUIT.
The folks in the Smoking Cessation forum are so, so, so, kind. From observation, a lot of folks on/in this forum, "Pay It Forward". It's so amazing to see. Sometimes, I get a little emotional reading how folks who will probably never meet each other, reach out and support each other through a very challenging time. It's simply amazing to observe, the level of human loving kindness in the forum.
Every day I get stronger. Every day I am more thankful. Every day I become more humble as I walk this journey to Stay Quit. I'm dedicating this blog entry to my Rocktober Family, BuddyClyde, Frank, Jim, Lori, and David in Canada, BCBabbler, Honefone, Shakti, Deez, Mistydog, LadyCity, the Moderators, and a host of other folks whom I admire for their inner strength and resolve, to simply say, "Hey, no matter what, I am NOT giving up."
This is such a wonderful journey of self discovery, self exploration, and self recovery. Every day, by the Grace of the God of my understanding, I get to find out, just how tough I think I am, in terms of being able to stay on course and to stay on my game with my Quit. So far, so good.
(((((Scrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeccchhh))))
Enough of the serious stuff!!!!!
I'm ready to dance and celebrate being Nicotine Free!!! Come on!! Everybody who has Quit and is Staying Quit, party with me!! Shucks, even if you haven't stopped smoking yet and are just thinkin' about it, let's go!! Click the video and where Justin says, "I'm bringin' sexy back," say, "I'm bringin' Smokeless back.." We'll figure what to do with the rest of the lyrics later....for right now, "Raise your hands in the air...and wave em' like you just don't care...if you've drowned the sticks, and you're ready to Quit, somebody say, "OH YEAH!!!!"
One Human Love,
Obi.
"We're Bringin' Smokeless Back!!!"
Those folks still smokin' don't know how to act..lolololol.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Walk a Mile In My Shoes....
I started a walking regimen. Okay, don't get excited. lol. Right now, it's two days a week. So far, I've walked about a half mile. I want to work up to walking two miles when I walk and then work up to more. Am I doing this to lose weight? Not really, although honestly, I could stand to shed a few. I'm doing it to gain a sense of balance and to return to the shape I was in, before I started smoking again. I love walking. It's like, I can hear my thoughts clearer. Does that make sense? It's as if I can work things out on my own, in the peace and meditative silence that walking alone, provides. I don't walk in isolated or secluded areas, but I do walk in nature. So, if anyone is thinking about walking, PLEASE DO NOT walk in areas that aren't safe. We need you HERE! :o)
I really enjoy the ability to breathe deeply when I walk.
"Hmmm Obi, why do you enjoy breathing deeply??"
B'cause I Quit Smoking almost three months ago. ---- (devilish grin)
Where I walk, I can hear a river trickling and swishing over jagged rocks. I see the beautiful green moss on rocks that go up a hill, foliage that's about to take a nap, furry squirrels, birds that stay in the area during winter. I see the various types of trees. I see folks walking their dogs, and dogs walking their owners..HA!! I want to get a dog one day, although I am truly a cat person...(MEOW)...*giggling* I think dogs are so cool, especially when it comes to walking companions and all out door play time.
In seven days, Lord Willin' (and the creek don't rise), I will hit my three month Quit. Yipeeee!!! All I can ask is, "Where did three months go?" See, this is what I've been sharing with folks for about a month now. The fact that time is moving faster (or seems to be) is to our benefit, for those of us who are Quitting or Staying Quit. Check it out, it doesn't even feel like we've passed Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Years, but we have. Listen, if you want to Quit, JUST DO IT, and see how fast you come up on a month Quit.
Heck, we're about to have Valentine's Day, which gets on my last nerve to some degree. I don't like Valentine's Day. Not because of what it stands for, but because of the commercial pressure. I particularly feel bad for guys. I mean, I'd rather be with a man, who expressed his love for me, by doing stuff DAILY, instead of waiting for one day, to pour it on thick.
One thing for sure, we, those of us whom have elected to QUIT and STAY QUIT, will NOT have to worry about having fresh, sweet, kissable breath, just in case someone wants to kiss us for Valentine's Day. Ah yes..just imagine, the object of your affection, walks up to you and ***SMUAHHH*** right in the kisser, and..and..and then you find yourselves locked in a wonderful embrace, pheromones start acting berserk, lips are locked, kissing in a fervent rush, hearts are pounding and full of emotion, perspiration starts to.....WHOOPS!!. HA!!....WHEW!!....okay, I'm back.
Being Sexy and Smokeless is Dangerous!! All that extra air now running through our bodies, giving us more energy, to shake it, unleashes a SEXY BEAST when we least expect it! WATCH - OUT!!! Because WE, the Sexy, the Proud, the Brave, the Smokeless, are on the move!!!
Much love, strength, power, healing energy to everyone who is thinking about Quitting, those who are new to the Quit, and those who are on the Quit Path.
***Special Shout Out to James Bronson, GEA PPC, and Sean Guy for coming along on this ride*** :o)
One Human Love,
Obi.
You CAN do it!!
"SEXY & NicoFree"
I really enjoy the ability to breathe deeply when I walk.
"Hmmm Obi, why do you enjoy breathing deeply??"
B'cause I Quit Smoking almost three months ago. ---- (devilish grin)
Where I walk, I can hear a river trickling and swishing over jagged rocks. I see the beautiful green moss on rocks that go up a hill, foliage that's about to take a nap, furry squirrels, birds that stay in the area during winter. I see the various types of trees. I see folks walking their dogs, and dogs walking their owners..HA!! I want to get a dog one day, although I am truly a cat person...(MEOW)...*giggling* I think dogs are so cool, especially when it comes to walking companions and all out door play time.
In seven days, Lord Willin' (and the creek don't rise), I will hit my three month Quit. Yipeeee!!! All I can ask is, "Where did three months go?" See, this is what I've been sharing with folks for about a month now. The fact that time is moving faster (or seems to be) is to our benefit, for those of us who are Quitting or Staying Quit. Check it out, it doesn't even feel like we've passed Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Years, but we have. Listen, if you want to Quit, JUST DO IT, and see how fast you come up on a month Quit.
Heck, we're about to have Valentine's Day, which gets on my last nerve to some degree. I don't like Valentine's Day. Not because of what it stands for, but because of the commercial pressure. I particularly feel bad for guys. I mean, I'd rather be with a man, who expressed his love for me, by doing stuff DAILY, instead of waiting for one day, to pour it on thick.
One thing for sure, we, those of us whom have elected to QUIT and STAY QUIT, will NOT have to worry about having fresh, sweet, kissable breath, just in case someone wants to kiss us for Valentine's Day. Ah yes..just imagine, the object of your affection, walks up to you and ***SMUAHHH*** right in the kisser, and..and..and then you find yourselves locked in a wonderful embrace, pheromones start acting berserk, lips are locked, kissing in a fervent rush, hearts are pounding and full of emotion, perspiration starts to.....WHOOPS!!. HA!!....WHEW!!....okay, I'm back.
Being Sexy and Smokeless is Dangerous!! All that extra air now running through our bodies, giving us more energy, to shake it, unleashes a SEXY BEAST when we least expect it! WATCH - OUT!!! Because WE, the Sexy, the Proud, the Brave, the Smokeless, are on the move!!!
Much love, strength, power, healing energy to everyone who is thinking about Quitting, those who are new to the Quit, and those who are on the Quit Path.
***Special Shout Out to James Bronson, GEA PPC, and Sean Guy for coming along on this ride*** :o)
One Human Love,
Obi.
Peace, Love, &
Freedom to My Rocktober
Family where-ever in the world you may be.
To Everyone thinking about Quitting and to those early on in their Quit, take it
One day at a time, my lovelies!!
To Everyone thinking about Quitting and to those early on in their Quit, take it
One day at a time, my lovelies!!
You CAN do it!!
"We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaack!"
(to Justin
Timberlake's, SexyBack..)
"SEXY & NicoFree"
"Not
One Puff Evah, Baby!!!"
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Return on Aisle Twelve.
Yesterday, I went to pick up some items from the store. I got in line to pay
for my things and I found myself behind a family. Husband, wife, two young children.
I observed the family talking and laughing. I watched Mom pull out the coupons from
her purse and clutch them in her hand, like holding a pair of nines knowing the aces
hadn't been played. I watched Dad as he bagged the groceries and watched the
totals pop up on the monitor. Mom smiles and says to the cashier, "Let me know when
it gets to $100.00." The Cashier obliged and let Mom know when it got to $100.00.
I looked at the items in the bag and thought to myself, "Is this what we've come to?"I felt so inadequate and impotent standing behind them. Why couldn't I have enough money,
to make up the difference of their grocery bill. Those were children who needed to eat,
goodness sake. It wasn't as if Mom purchased a cart full of junkfood, no. Mom and Dad purchased veggies, potatoes, meat, fruits, bread, milk, the types of food that could stretch. I felt my eyes start to do that stinging thing, y'know when you're trying to fight back tears.
What does this have to do with smoking? Stress. Stress causes folks to relapse or to
keep smoking. The stress of not having a job or not being able to feed your family. The stress of
illness and a host of other things. Yes, these are the things that can lead to the stress
that might make someone continue to smoke. But y'know-what? It doesn't have to be that way.
I know this sounds as if I'm on a high horse, but I'm not. On my honor, I am in a situation,
right now, today, where the stress from the situation I'm in, has me in tears at times. It has me doubting my ability to move forward in several areas in my life. But, here's the deal. I can choose.
I do have a choice, regardless of the pain that comes with it. I made a choice, regardless of the
B.S., around me, to Quit. See, I'm me. I am not my situations. I have situations, that need solutions
(ones that I can't see right now..but solutions just the same).
I know I'm making it sound simple. We, who have kicked for any amount of time,
know that it's anything but simple. I share all of this to say, you can go through anything and
you don't have to smoke. You may WANT to, but you don't HAVE to. Think about it.
Even though I'm coming up on my three month quit, I still go fight and go WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP. I said it today. I said it last night. I said it yesterday. I said it as I sat in my car, and felt like sh*t, because I couldn't help that family purchase the rest of their groceries. Things have got to get better in this country. Too many people are suffering, by no choice or fault of their own.
One Human Love,
Obi.
Peace, Love, & Freedom to my Rocktober Family and to those thinking about or early on in your Quit. Remember ... YOU CAN DO THIS, YES YOU CAN!
for my things and I found myself behind a family. Husband, wife, two young children.
I observed the family talking and laughing. I watched Mom pull out the coupons from
her purse and clutch them in her hand, like holding a pair of nines knowing the aces
hadn't been played. I watched Dad as he bagged the groceries and watched the
totals pop up on the monitor. Mom smiles and says to the cashier, "Let me know when
it gets to $100.00." The Cashier obliged and let Mom know when it got to $100.00.
I looked at the items in the bag and thought to myself, "Is this what we've come to?"I felt so inadequate and impotent standing behind them. Why couldn't I have enough money,
to make up the difference of their grocery bill. Those were children who needed to eat,
goodness sake. It wasn't as if Mom purchased a cart full of junkfood, no. Mom and Dad purchased veggies, potatoes, meat, fruits, bread, milk, the types of food that could stretch. I felt my eyes start to do that stinging thing, y'know when you're trying to fight back tears.
What does this have to do with smoking? Stress. Stress causes folks to relapse or to
keep smoking. The stress of not having a job or not being able to feed your family. The stress of
illness and a host of other things. Yes, these are the things that can lead to the stress
that might make someone continue to smoke. But y'know-what? It doesn't have to be that way.
I know this sounds as if I'm on a high horse, but I'm not. On my honor, I am in a situation,
right now, today, where the stress from the situation I'm in, has me in tears at times. It has me doubting my ability to move forward in several areas in my life. But, here's the deal. I can choose.
I do have a choice, regardless of the pain that comes with it. I made a choice, regardless of the
B.S., around me, to Quit. See, I'm me. I am not my situations. I have situations, that need solutions
(ones that I can't see right now..but solutions just the same).
I know I'm making it sound simple. We, who have kicked for any amount of time,
know that it's anything but simple. I share all of this to say, you can go through anything and
you don't have to smoke. You may WANT to, but you don't HAVE to. Think about it.
Even though I'm coming up on my three month quit, I still go fight and go WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP. I said it today. I said it last night. I said it yesterday. I said it as I sat in my car, and felt like sh*t, because I couldn't help that family purchase the rest of their groceries. Things have got to get better in this country. Too many people are suffering, by no choice or fault of their own.
One Human Love,
Obi.
Peace, Love, & Freedom to my Rocktober Family and to those thinking about or early on in your Quit. Remember ... YOU CAN DO THIS, YES YOU CAN!
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