Well, here I am. It's October 26th, 2011, and I am smoking my last cigarrette.
October 27th, 2011, is My Official Quit Date.
Three weeks ago, I set this date for a special reason that I won't get into, but it's a special day for me, and no, I'm not a Scorpio..lol. (Circa 1970-"What's your sign, Baby?)..lol.
The truth is, I'm tired of smoking. I just don't want to do it anymore. It doesn't feel good to me.
I've decided to journal My Quit, hoping that it may help someone or, if anyone has decided to quit recently, they can come along for the ride, because truthfully, it works better with support. Hey, we can be like "OccupySmokeFree!!" lolol. (Absolutely no disrespect to the movement, whatsoever!)
I've quit before, for five years to be exact. (Well, why in the hell did you start again, woman?) I'm glad you asked. I had several very traumatic situations occur, during a relatively short span of time involving deaths, and my coping skills just packed up and split. They were like, "Uhm..we'll catch you on the flip side Babe," and I went to what I knew best to calm my nerves; Smoking. I may talk about what happened (or I may not) in the months to come, as I now have some distance between me and what occured.
I just looked up on the tool bar. Great! This thing has spell-check..lol.
Anyway, I like I said before, I am tired of it. Tired of the way I feel afterward; Tired of my heart racing after the rush; Tired of being tired after I climb the steps; Tired of going to the store just to get them; Hell, I'm just sick and tired, of being sick and tired, of smokin'!! HA!!!
I'm in a good mood right now. I'm really looking forward to being smoke-free. I enjoyed being smoke free. I developed a quit plan. Things to do when the urge slaps me upside the back of the neck, because it will.
I recently started to chant NAM-MYOHO-RENGE-KYO because I noticed that I feel calm, grounded, and centered after about five minutes of continual chanting. I even purchased prayer beads to have something in my hands. Nope, I'm not a Buddhist, but who knows where this will lead.
I've decided to embrace the withdrawal pangs, and take it second by second. The truth is, they don't last forever, but whew!! lol.
My thought is, seconds lead to minutes, minutes lead to hours, hours lead to days, days lead to weeks, weeks lead to months, and months? Well we all know what months lead to, Christmas in August at the department stores. (Don'tcha just hate that?)
I have no intention of disrespecting or pointing the finger at folks who still smoke. I didn't do it the last time I quit. I realize, as an ex-smoker, that quitting is a very personal decision. No matter how many times well intentioned friends and family say little cute things about quitting, or warn smokers about the health risks, folks who smoke can and will only stop when they are truly ready. And that has to come from a deeper place within.
This Quit is on another level for me. I've visualized my behavior smoke free. This is for the rest of my life. I've meditated on it for the last few weeks and I've prayed about it, because I know it's gonna be rough and I don't want to fail. I've thought about how I started smoking again and I have things in place to help me cope with stuff that just may pop up.
Folks have always been shocked when they find out I smoke. They say, "You don't look like a smoker." Naturally I ask, "Well what the heck does a smoker look like?" lololol. I never get a response, just a confused puppy type look with a grin. With prayer, patience, and committment, I won't have to hear that anymore.
As I type, I'm listening to the song, "Alright" by Ledisi. The lyrics are very real for me. The song gives me strength-touches my Spirit. My Quit is a part of a bigger picture for me. You see, the person I am becoming, doesn't smoke. That person has no place in my life.
I just put out my last cigarette. I'm finished.
How ironic, "Everything Is Gonna Be Alright" by Sounds of Blackness, just came on the internet station I'm listening to.
My journey starts now.
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