Update: So Close...So Close....

4:03 PM Okay so, I get my car back from my friend earlier today. A few days ago, a friend had a family emergency. He asked to borrow my car and I said, "No problem."

I get in my car, place my purse on the passenger seat floor and what do I see?

My frigging portable,  smoke sucking, car ashtray. Wait. It gets better. With a cig standing up in the hole!!!!

Oh, for Jesus' Sake?!?!

Did I panic???  Oh hell yes, I did!!!

Did I want to smoke that cig? Yes!

Did I smoke that cig? No!!

Was it easy to ignore that cigg until I got to a public trashcan? Hell, no!!
But dammit, I did it.

I know I should be proud of myself for not smoking, but I'm not. I'm upset because
I panicked.  I gotta be stronger than that, more firm and resolute in my actions, because this will not be the last time I see a cigarette alone.

The other reason I got upset at seeing that cig, because I was fine prior to seeing it. I hadn't had an urge to smoke other than the one this morning.

The other day, when I removed all of my triggers, I forgot about the car because
it wasn't with me. Ughh! And since I haven't told anyone about My Quit,
I didn't have a second pair of eyes watching out for me.

See, I know if I smoke a cig right now, I will feel that nicotine re-enter my body. I will feel it in my head, my arms, my chest, my face, my skin. I will feel it all over. I don't want to feel that because it means I have failed and then I will have to start all over again at day one. HELL NO! Not gonna do that to myself.

I also went to the supermarket looking for a cupcake. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I walked the hell out. I don't feel like trading one addiction for another. I just don't feel like being addicted to anything anymore.  Everything in Moderation - except nicotine and other stuff that I shouldn't have.

I am about to go to Family Night. Let me make sure I have all that I need.

Tick Tacs - Check
Red Hots - Check
Bottled Water - Check
Gum - Gotta go to the store.
Nerves of Steel - Nope. lol.

I'm gonna go enjoy my family. Hopefully no one notices that I am not smoking. That way, I won't be pressed to answer any questions.

TTYL

Yours in SmokeFreeness
Won