THREE MONTHS QUIT???...AWWEE, SHH&%$ !!!!

Guess what? January 27th, 2012, marked my third month, Quit.

(Deliberate pause)

 Yaaaayyy! Whoop Whoop Whoop!! Whose ya' Momma!?!?!? Yeahh, Baby!!! (Rollin' arm like Arsenio Hall..Runnin' around slappin' high fives in tha air...lol.)

Okay. I had to let that out. I've been holding it pretty much all day. I shared that this is my third month Quit with folks. Some just don't seem to get it. It's okay. I'm a party all by myself. I am proud of myself for getting this far, but that does not overshadow the humility I feel for the entire process. It's a struggle on some days. I still get the automatic urge, when I'm not on my game. I acknowledge what the urge is, why I am having it, and I move the hell on. I don't have time to entertain urges anymore. The urges get NO LOVE from me.

Anyhoo. I'm still walking. Walked 1.2 miles one way. This is what happens when you're walking with someone you admire and having really good conversation. You actually walk further, faster. lol. I need to do a better job with stretching and hydrating because I got leg cramps in the middle of the night. Can we say, "OUCH!!!??".  I also need to wear better leg gear. My thighs were a bit frosty on the walk back. 

I am so thankful to the God of my understanding, for this opportunity to QUIT, and the desire to STAY QUIT. If anyone is reading this blog for the first time, and wants to quit, or is thinking about quitting, check it out. You may not have to do all of this stuff. I'm just sharing how I did it, so IF you want to, make your own plan, and work it out.

This is what I did;

I planned a month in advance, when I was going to quit. But prior to that month, I thought about Quitting, All The Time!

I smoked every day, until my Quit Time & Date. (October 27th, 2011 @ 12:01 AM.)

I made a list of reasons why I wanted to Quit.

I prepared self talk. Real conversations that only I, could have with myself about doing the right thing
and the wrong thing, and the many justifications that I came up with for my Stinkin' Thinkin'.

I believed that I could Quit. I got it in my head, that I could do this and that nothing and no one, was going to stop me. Not even ME. I did not see it as, I was losing something. I saw it as re-gaining my independence from a controlling force, that I could not see.

I gave myself options. For example, instead of smoking I could cut my hair, buy stuff (within reason), try new cocktails (within reason), anything but smoke. As far as the urges go, I could roll around on the floor, scream, kick, stretch, sing, hum, do kegals (see an earlier post about the kegals) go, WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP. Anything but take a puff, to deal with the craving. I embraced the pain of the cravings, as markers for growth and to remind myself of what its going to feel like, if I mess up on this quit.

I prepared spiritually, by chanting the Daimoku, which is "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo". (Not saying you have to do this, but some sort of meditation is helpful.) Whatever spiritual/meditative piece you use, make sure you use it in a way that permits you to get inside and deal with YOU. Shut everyone else out for this, your special time and work on repairing, loving, and forgiving YOU.

I prepared by using visualization. I imagined my Quit Self and what she looked like, how she behaved as a Non-Smoker. **She looked cute as a non-smoker...fresh, flirty, positive, bright, self-confident, ready to help others, full of energy**

I began to examine, my behavior in terms of what I believed, smoking was doing for me.  I did a lot of reflection and retraced my steps, examining how I failed my first quit that lasted five years.

I resolved to take this quit slowly...even if it meant taking it one minute at a time.

I refuse to let My Quit, get dull. I am going to have fun with this. Don't believe me? Check out some of my past posts. lol.

I prepared by buying a case of water, providing cinnamon candy and gum sexy pops (lollipops) started playing video games, increased my crochet time. I decided to take accountability for my Quit and OWN IT. It's mine. Not anyone else's.

I thought about the mind f&^% that the tobacco industry, has been playing on me and folks like me, who are nicotine addicts, all over the world.

This was NOT a part of the plan. I joined a Smoking Cessation Group, online. I L.O.V.E. IT
Believe it or not, I look forward to checking in with my Quit Buddies from time to time. I enjoy reading various posts. Let's me know that I am not alone in this quest to STAY QUIT.

The folks in the Smoking Cessation forum are so, so, so, kind. From observation, a lot of folks on/in this forum, "Pay It Forward".  It's so amazing to see. Sometimes, I get a little emotional reading how folks who will probably never meet each other, reach out and support each other through a very challenging time. It's simply amazing to observe, the level of human loving kindness in the forum.

Every day I get stronger. Every day I am more thankful. Every day I become more humble as I walk this journey to Stay Quit. I'm dedicating this blog entry to my Rocktober Family, BuddyClyde, Frank, Jim, Lori, and David in Canada, BCBabbler, Honefone, Shakti, Deez, Mistydog, LadyCity, the Moderators, and a host of other folks whom I admire for their inner strength and resolve, to simply say, "Hey, no matter what, I am NOT giving up."

This is such a wonderful journey of self discovery, self exploration, and self recovery. Every day, by the Grace of the God of my understanding, I get to find out, just how tough I think I am, in terms of being able to stay on course and to stay on my game with my Quit. So far, so good.

(((((Scrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeccchhh))))

Enough of the serious stuff!!!!!

I'm ready to dance and celebrate being Nicotine Free!!! Come on!! Everybody who has Quit and is Staying Quit, party with me!!  Shucks, even if you haven't stopped smoking yet and are just thinkin' about it, let's go!! Click the video and where Justin says, "I'm bringin' sexy back," say, "I'm bringin' Smokeless back.."  We'll figure what to do with the rest of the lyrics later....for right now, "Raise your hands in the air...and wave em'  like you just don't care...if you've drowned the sticks, and you're ready to Quit, somebody say, "OH YEAH!!!!"

One Human Love,
Obi.

"We're Bringin' Smokeless Back!!!"

Those folks still smokin' don't know how to act..lolololol.

Walk a Mile In My Shoes....

I started a walking regimen. Okay, don't get excited. lol. Right now, it's two days a week. So far, I've walked about a half mile. I want to work up to walking two miles when I walk and then work up to more. Am I doing this to lose weight? Not really, although honestly, I could stand to shed a few. I'm doing it to gain a sense of balance and to return to the shape I was in, before I started smoking again. I love walking. It's like, I can hear my thoughts clearer. Does that make sense? It's as if I can work things out on my own, in the peace and meditative silence that walking alone, provides. I don't walk in isolated or secluded areas, but I do walk in nature. So, if anyone is thinking about walking, PLEASE DO NOT walk in areas that aren't safe. We need you HERE! :o)

I really enjoy the ability to breathe deeply when I walk.

"Hmmm Obi, why do you enjoy breathing deeply??"

B'cause I Quit Smoking almost three months ago. ---- (devilish grin)

Where I walk, I can hear a river trickling and swishing over jagged rocks. I see the beautiful green moss on rocks that go up a hill, foliage that's about to take a nap, furry squirrels, birds that stay in the area during winter. I see the various types of trees. I see folks walking their dogs, and dogs walking their owners..HA!! I want to get a dog one day, although I am truly a cat person...(MEOW)...*giggling*  I think dogs are so cool, especially when it comes to walking companions and all out door play time.

In seven days, Lord Willin' (and the creek don't rise), I will hit my three month Quit. Yipeeee!!! All I can ask is, "Where did three months go?" See, this is what I've been sharing with folks for about a month now. The fact that time is moving faster (or seems to be) is to our benefit, for those of us who are Quitting or Staying Quit. Check it out, it doesn't even feel like we've passed Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Years, but we have. Listen, if you want to Quit, JUST DO IT, and see how fast you come up on a month Quit.

Heck, we're about to have Valentine's Day, which gets on my last nerve to some degree. I don't like Valentine's Day. Not because of what it stands for, but because of the commercial pressure. I particularly feel bad for guys. I mean, I'd rather be with a man, who expressed his love for me, by doing stuff DAILY, instead of waiting for one day, to pour it on thick.

One thing for sure, we, those of us whom have elected to QUIT and STAY QUIT, will NOT have to worry about having fresh, sweet, kissable breath, just in case someone wants to kiss us for Valentine's Day. Ah yes..just imagine, the object of your affection, walks up to you and ***SMUAHHH*** right in the kisser, and..and..and then you find yourselves locked in a wonderful embrace, pheromones start acting berserk, lips are locked, kissing in a fervent rush, hearts are pounding and full of emotion, perspiration starts to.....WHOOPS!!. HA!!....WHEW!!....okay, I'm back.

Being Sexy and Smokeless is Dangerous!! All that extra air now running through our bodies, giving us more energy, to shake it, unleashes a SEXY BEAST when we least expect it! WATCH - OUT!!! Because WE, the Sexy, the Proud, the Brave, the Smokeless, are on the move!!!

Much love, strength, power, healing energy to everyone who is thinking about Quitting, those who are new to the Quit, and those who are on the Quit Path.

***Special Shout Out to James Bronson, GEA PPC,  and Sean Guy for coming along on this ride***  :o)

One Human Love,
Obi.

Peace, Love, & Freedom to My Rocktober Family where-ever in the world you may be.
To Everyone thinking about Quitting and to those early on in their Quit, take it
One day at a time, my lovelies!!

You CAN do it!!

"We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaack!"

(to Justin Timberlake's, SexyBack..)

"SEXY & NicoFree"

"Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!"

Return on Aisle Twelve.

Yesterday, I went to pick up some items from the store. I got in line to pay
for my things and I found myself behind a family. Husband, wife, two young children.
I observed the family talking and laughing. I watched Mom pull out the coupons from
her purse and clutch them in her hand, like holding a pair of nines knowing the aces
hadn't been played. I watched Dad as he bagged the groceries and watched the
totals pop up on the monitor. Mom smiles and says to the cashier, "Let me know when
it gets to $100.00." The Cashier obliged and let Mom know when it got to $100.00.

I looked at the items in the bag and thought to myself, "Is this what we've come to?"I felt so inadequate and impotent standing behind them. Why couldn't I have enough money,
to make up the difference of their grocery bill. Those were children who needed to eat,
goodness sake. It wasn't as if Mom purchased a cart full of junkfood, no. Mom and Dad purchased veggies, potatoes, meat, fruits, bread, milk, the types of food that could stretch. I felt my eyes start to do that stinging thing, y'know when you're trying to fight back tears.

What does this have to do with smoking? Stress. Stress causes folks to relapse or to
keep smoking. The stress of not having a job or not being able to feed your family. The stress of
illness and a host of other things. Yes, these are the things that can lead to the stress
that might make someone continue to smoke. But y'know-what? It doesn't have to be that way.

I know this sounds as if I'm on a high horse, but I'm not. On my honor, I am in a situation,
right now, today, where the stress from the situation I'm in, has me in tears at times. It has me doubting my ability to move forward in several areas in my life. But, here's the deal. I can choose.
I do have a choice, regardless of the pain that comes with it. I made a choice, regardless of the
B.S., around me, to Quit. See, I'm me. I am not my situations. I have situations, that need solutions
(ones that I can't see right now..but solutions just the same).

I know I'm making it sound simple. We, who have kicked for any amount of time,
know that it's anything but simple. I share all of this to say, you can go through anything and
you don't have to smoke. You may WANT to, but you don't HAVE to. Think about it.
Even though I'm coming up on my three month quit, I still go fight and go WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP. I said it today. I said it last night. I said it yesterday. I said it as I sat in my car, and felt like sh*t, because I couldn't help that family purchase the rest of their groceries. Things have got to get better in this country. Too many people are suffering, by no choice or fault of their own.

One Human Love,
Obi.

Peace, Love, & Freedom to my Rocktober Family and to those thinking about or early on in your Quit. Remember ... YOU CAN DO THIS, YES YOU CAN!

Happy New Yearrrrrraaahhh :oP

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

It's my sincere hope that everyone is enjoying the new year so far. I sure am. I feel a re-newed sense of purpose and direction for this year. I really do. I am excited. I haven't felt this upbeat at the beginning of a year in YEARS! I think part of the enthusiasm is because of My Quit, back on October 27, 2011. I am really feeling good about my accomplishment and looking forward to trying some new lifestyle changes.

For those who are wondering, YES, I have gained weight. My response to that is,
"So the *%$# what!!!"  My logic is, I can lose the weight; I can't regain life and good health
that I have wasted because of smoking. If all goes according to plan, I will share some exciting news in a few weeks to share how I will accomplish the weight loss. *cheesin*.

I had hoped to get back on before too late in order to cheer folks on who decided to quit on January 1, 2012. Congratulations to the folks who currently have six days in. That is AWESOME and YOU CAN do this. Trust me! :o)

For those whom still aren't sure, that's fine too. However, if you're still thinking about it,
keep on visualizing your "Smokeless" self, in your mind and slowly pick a date that is comfy for you. Once you''ve picked a date, ease into it. Don't rush, just take it easy until the day gets here. I think what I will do is re-post how I Quit, on another post for January, to help folks who may be struggling.

To the folks whom have six days in, I strongly encourage you to go back over some of my posts to see if they will be of any help. Listen, we are ALL here trying to make it ONE MORE DAY being SMOKEFREE. I mean, we're already SEXY!! Being SmokeFree will only catapult us to higher hights...*huggz*.

Peace, Love, & Freedom to My Rocktober Family where-ever in the world you may be.
To Everyone thinking about Quitting and to those early on in their Quit, take it one day at a time, my lovelies!!

You CAN do it!!

"We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaack!"

(to Justin Timberlake's, SexyBack..)

"SEXY & NicoFree"
"Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!"

"WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP...Oh, Yeah, Baby..."

Sorry, this isn't about sex. What were you looking for? (lolololol).

No, "W(h)am Bam Thankie Ma'am", talk here..lololol...*angelic grin*..lolololol.

And no, it's not about 36 DDD's or, Bio-Rhythms, or Lip Injections.

Just wanted to share something real quick. I came up with an exercise for  "WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP"

When the urge to smoke comes, say "WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP" out loud (but not too loud) at a brisk tempo, for 5 sets of 10.

In between sets, take five cleansing breaths.

Inhale through your nostrils and let the air fill your tummy like a bag.

Hold it for a count of 3.

Through your mouth, exhale the air in your tummy, until your tummy is empty of air, through your mouth.

What's "WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP? "

Wait A Minute

Think It Through

Breathe It Out

Let It Pass

Remember, if this doesn't float your boat, you can always do KEGALS!!! ***smiling brightly***

Have Fun, Stay Strong and STAY QUIT

See ya.

Obi

"Coffee, Tea, or Me; 2 Months Smoke Free!!" :o)

Yessssssssssssss!! December 27th, 2011. I have arrived at the two month mark of My Quit.
I am thankful and humbled by this entire process. I am thankful to the God of my understanding. I'm thankful to and for the many folks whom I have met via the blog, My Quit Group, and folks who have been encouraging in my daily walk. Thank you, to the folks whom (and you know who you are) have sent emails and shared the most heart warming and thoughtful expressions.

We All Will Stay Quit, Together!!!! Believe it!!! :o)

You know, I've said this before but, I strongly believe that we, human beings, are here to help each other make it through life.Think about it, who else is here to help us, but us? I think there are some among us who get it real wrong by trying to hurt his or her fellow man by harming them for material gain. Materials that can't go with them when they close their eyes to this realm.

I'm not against folks having nice things. Heck, I like nice things and on some days, I might be considered somewhat of a Diva..BUT!!!!..I do not believe that how I live or what I want, should come at the expense or discomfort of another person. *shruggin shoulders*..I just don't.

I feel it's more advantageous if we work WITH the cycle of life, as opposed to working against it. That means sharing, caring, growing, expanding, in respect for our differences, but in agape love for our human unity, in grace, humility, and with dignity. I don't know about you guys, but I believe this can happen without killing people, be it through wars, poverty, or silent warfare,
on the many through addictions like nicotine, caffeine, illegal drugs, over the counter medications, frankenfood; Wait, let me get down off my soap box (stilettos and protests don't mix well ~*grin*)
.
I really don't mean to get all religious or anything, because I don't really see myself as a "religious" person. I've always viewed myself as more spiritual. The reason for that is, I prefer to remain open, in terms of hearing what folks have to say about how they feel or what they wish for or what they hope for. This is strictly my opinion, but I don't feel I can do that if I put up artificial barriers.

Anyhoo, I am feeling a shift in my thinking. Like I've shared before, I'm not a Buddhist. I am however, starting to gain a deeper understanding of Mindfulness as it relates to My Quit. Being in a state of Mindfulness has made me hyper aware of what my triggers are and the process that surrounds them. I've gotten to the point where I anticipate my urges based upon my behavior. What's cool about that is, I can act quickly to quell the urge OR I can, WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP,
not to be confused with, "Dammit, I Bit My Lip," (The hell you say????)
Wait A Minute, Think It Through, Breathe It Out, and Let It Pass. WAM-TIT-BIO-LIP.

Warned ya. While I am going to have serious moments, I refuse to let My Quit get dull. I am going to have fun learning, listening, sharing, and Staying Quit. This is MY QUIT, I own it and dammit I'll laugh if I want to. "It's My Quit and I'll laugh if I want to, laugh if I want to, laugh if I want to..You should laugh too, if you're Quitting for youuuuu!!..." God Bless poetic license..lololol.

Peace, Love, & Freedom to My Rocktober Family

where-ever in the world, you may be.

To Everyone thinking about Quitting and to those early in Your Quit,

Take it one day at a time, my lovelies!! You CAN do it!!

"We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaack!"

(to Justin Timberlake's, SexyBack..)

"SEXY & NicoFree ~ Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!"

Have Your Self A......

 Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa. As I've shared before, if I have omitted a festive holiday, please charge it to my head and not my heart.
This is taken from my post in my Quit Group. The reason for the duplicate is, I am cooking all night and I have a few gifts that I still need to wrap,..lololol. Please forgive me.

I hope that everyone has an opportunity to reflect on their own progress, no matter what it is, or how long it has been, and honors the work that we each have put in. It is truly a gift. Whether it is one day, one week, one month or one year, every minute of our Quit, counts towards recovery.

Even if you've relapsed, don't permit the guilt to take over. You are not the guilt and the guilt is not you. Shake it off and get back on your stride and move forward, even if you have to take your Quit, one second at a time, make it happen, and know that you are not alone.

Tomorrow is a huge trigger day for me. I will not smoke. Even if it means, I have to roll around on the floor and knock down the Christmas Tree, or roll under the dinner table and upset the food, or kick the dog out of his dog-house and lay down, or run down the road naked..let me quit..ahahahaha. I say all of that to say, tomorrow will be about my family, friends, and me. It will not about sorrow, not about sadness, but about remembering good times and celebration. Celebrating the life we have, right now and the steps we are all taking in different ways, to make it better. :o)

Happy Holidays, Everyone - Stay Strong.

Peace, Love, & Freedom to My Rocktober Family where-ever in the world you may be.  To Everyone thinking about Quitting and to those early on in their Quit, take it one day at a time, my lovelies!! You CAN do it!!

Two of my Favs...Enjoy

Nat King Cole....The Christmas Song.....

Judy Garland....Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

 

"We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaack!"

(to Justin Timberlake's, SexyBack..)

"SEXY & NicoFree ~ Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!"

"Should Auld Bad Habits, Be Forgot...."

"And nevveerrr never brought to miiiind? Should auld bad habits be forgot, and days of auld lang syne?  And days of auld lang syne, my dear, And days of auld lang syne......"

I've been debating for the last few days if this is the right time to talk about how I relapsed after being Quit for five years. When I started the blog, I discussed how I had quit for five years until a series of tragic events occured in my life. I also shared that I had some ambivalence about sharing in the beginning, because to remember, is a bit painful as it is a point of reference of my life where I lost control OR WAIT...lost THE PERCEPTION of control that I THOUGHT I had. :o)

The reason I've been debating it is, while my experience is highly personal,
it is my prayer/highest intention to reach out and help folks who are in a similar situation. I was touched by several posts in a certain forum, about smoking relapse experiences.
It hurt me to see that folks were feeling so dejected and disappointed because of a relapse. It is my intent to share in order to help heal. It's my belief that while we should keep some things
to ourselves, sometimes, sharing sheds light on an otherwise dark and muddled situation. Sometimes, feeling alone, while going through a rough spot, only adds to an already painful situation. I say sometimes, because now and again, there are times where we all need our private space.

I'm not trying to be all guru-ish or anything like that. I am a woman taking life one day at a time, on purpose. (I like that..think I'll used it more often..lol.) I just want to pay it forward, because I have
been blessed in so many other areas of my life.

Okay, here we go. This is how I relapsed. It was a dark and stormy night...lol. No. Wait. I like this intro better; "Once upon a time," I decided to Quit Smoking. Just like this quit, I just stopped. Was it difficult? Yes, but in a different way.  See, I had become a vegetarian and was really health conscious with one major flaw; I smoked.

Makes no damn sense right? You can say it. I said it to myself many times. Because it was the TRUTH! I quit back then, because I was afraid not to. Truth is, I really didn't want to quit initially. I started to feel good about My Quit, all those years ago, after 10 months. Initially my logic was, "Okay if I cut out the meat, I can have the ciggy's." Can we say, "Stinkin' Thinkin'?" Or better still, how about, "Just plain stupid." Yep. Just plain stupid. After becoming really health conscious, I started to feel a bad vibe about smoking, so I quit.

I remained Quit & Happy, until a series of events, just broke me into a million tiny  little pieces.

Over the course of several years, I started to experience one bad event, after the other. In a nutshell, I lost my job, my apartment, my car, my self worth, all in a matter of four months.
And get this, it was by no fault of my own.  It was all because someone who I didn't know, decided to pretend to be me, and used my personal information while being arrested on a federal charge. Because of the type of work I do, it was HELL trying to get my info clear in order to work again. Please people, WATCH YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION!! Get this: I remained smoke free, through it all. Not once did I think about smoking.

As I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or what I thought was light at the time, a long
time friend and I, started to see each other again, only this time, romantically. I believed that re-uniting with him, was a sign that everything was getting better. We had initiated something years ago and didn't follow through. We simply moved a part. We'd always been friends, just not romantic partners. Little did I know, that my life would never be the same in a very short time.

One evening, my friend came over to shoot the breeze. We hadn't spent any time together for a few days because our work schedules wouldn't permit it. We had a good time during this visit. We teased a bit and he even chased me around the dining-room table to get a hug. After we finished acting like two silly teenagers, he left to go get a haircut and to get his beard trimmed. About an hour later, he called me from the barbershop to let me know that he was thinking of me, and asked if I loved him still. I laughed and said, "Of course I do. Yes, I love you."

Later that night, a mutual friend of ours, came over. It was late, even for my friend and her husband to be out. I should have known immediately that the news wasn't good.  My friend said
to me, "Sit down, I have something to tell you." I sat down and immediately, I became dizzy. I hadn't even heard what my friend was about to tell me.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Brian* is dead."

Within that moment, it was as if time had stopped. I stood up, to reach out. The only thing I could hear is the muffled sound of my girlfriend crying in her husbands chest. My ears felt hot and I felt this pressure on top of my head. I looked at my friend and her husband, it felt as though my internal organs had dropped inside my body.  I became nauseous. My legs became very weak. I could feel the floor coming up to meet me. I screamed and then, everything went dark.

I could not wrap my brain around someone who I just spent time with, being dead. How could he be? I just saw him. This was impossible. They had to have the wrong guy. We just spent time together, teasing, kissing, hugging. We were just laughing at each other. We were just making plans to spend the following weekend together.

What made this more difficult is that he didn't die of natural causes or some exotic disease. Approximately two hours after we parted, my friend was dead, because he was murdered.
He was gone and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Within three days time of hearing this news, I started smoking again, after five years of being quit. Instead of stopping after one cigg, I continued to smoke. I needed the ciggs to go with the alcohol that I consumed in order to stay numb. See, the ciggs would intensify the effect
of the alcohol, thus making it possible for me to go to sleep every night until the funeral.

I told myself, after I get through this, I'll quit. Nope. I did not quit. Immediately, I stopped the evening drinking after the funeral, but I kept on smoking. The very next year, around the same time, almost the same day, my best friend passed away. Did I stop smoking? Nope. Once again, I needed the ciggy's to cope with the loss of my friend. The very next year, I lost one of my parents. Did that stop me? Nope. I needed the ciggy's to remain calm and composed, yanno, appear to have it all together, despite feeling that the world was falling down around me.

By this time, I was a walking time-bomb. While I put on a good face and held my composure, I was a nervous wreck inside. I was so angry with the God of my understanding. I was afraid during certain times of the year, that I would lose more of my friends and loved ones. It felt like my life had fallen into a damn pattern. Hell, for a while there, I thought I was going to die. As a matter of fact, there are days that I still feel this way. I'm not claiming my end, but one thing they will NOT say is, "Oh, it was because she was smoking!" - NOT!! (vicious eye roll)

Which brings me to my truth for this month. December, specifically the 25th, is a hard time for me. This is the month that serves as a trigger for me, because of loss and separation issues. Am I going to smoke? Nope. How do I know? Well, I know now because I can identify one of my main triggers. Where I failed on my previous Quit was, I had not made provisions for myself to be able to cope with separation and loss.

How the hell was I supposed to prepare for that? Who knows before hand, that their friend/lover is about to be murdered? Or who the hell knows when a best friend or parent, is about to make transition? Nobody I know!

The truth is, we can't plan for everything.  The only thing we can do is be sure that we are able
and ready to handle anything by setting up an action plan and a support network for times that represent more stress than others.

I relapsed because I failed to plan. Although I was unaware of it, by not having a plan, I was actually planning to fail from jump street. I say all of this to say, that if you've relapsed after 2 weeks of  quitting, imagine relapsing after five years. It took me several years of smoking, to finally say, "I've had enough. I Want My Smoke-Free, Quit Life back!"

Well, here I am now today, almost two months out. I appreciate each and every one of you who has checked out the blog. I only pray/hope that what I have shared, serves as an inspiration in some capacity.

I do believe that we are sent here, in this time and space, to be of assistance to each other, in the midsts of our struggles, in order to make it, just one more day. We, each of us, regardless of what we believe, what we look like, where we come from, are the hope, the justice, and the love we've been looking for - some of us just haven't figured that out yet. *wink/humble smile*

I'm going to try to get in a few more posts before the end of the year, but if I don't,
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa to all those who celebrate these festive holidays. If I have omitted your festive holiday, charge it to my head and not my heart.

Om Mani Padme Hum.. (*smiling deep within*) I celebrate the lives of my friends and family whom have made their spirit transition. My life has been enriched because of your loving energy.

Dedicating this post to anyone who relapsed this month.

Don't beat yourself UP; Lift yourself UP!

and

Get Back On Your Quit Game!

Peace, Love, & "Happy New Year," to the World.

Peace, Love, & Freedom to My Rocktober Family where-ever in the world you may be.
To Everyone thinking about Quitting and to those early on in their Quit, take it one day at a time, my lovelies!! You CAN do it!!

"We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaack!"

(to Justin Timberlake's, SexyBack..)

"SEXY & NicoFree ~ Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!"

*Not his real name

Power, Positioning, & Perception....

While on a visit to the store to get some tea, which is one of my favorite beverages, I happened to notice the positioning of the ciggs in the store. It's so weird. I had never noticed that all of the smoking products are in eye view, right at the cash register. It's like, you can't escape them when leaving the store. You are forced to look at them before you go.

When I got in the car, I couldn't help but think to myself, "These ciggy makers are, "In it to win it," and killing us in the process." As a former smoker, the thought of having to see these displays, pissed me off to a certain degree. I remember when I first quit, I avoided that store at first, and then, I had to fight my thoughts of purchasing ciggs, while I stood in line. It's terrible that this is something that I, and many other folks, will have to endure for the rest of our lives, as ex-smokers.

What about folks who are having an extra hard time with their quit? Is that really fair to them, that while standing in line, they are reminded visually about a former habit? One that they are trying to kick, I might add? That's like hanging packets of weed or cocaine or whatever at the cash register, knowing that a rehab center is just down the street.

I think that we can all do something about this, if we take the time to re-position our bodies OR our eyes, while in line.  Imagine the layout of the store, particularly the counter where the cash register is. There are a lot of small areas to focus on. We can focus on the back of the cash register, we can do a silent prayer or mantra (I perform the Daimoku in my head), the cashiers name or company logo on his or her shirt (no lusty looks at the busty ladies, fellas!! And no "crotch watch" ladies!! whew...lolololol). We can look at the floor, OR WAIT, we can Kegal! Seriously, no one knows you're doing it except you, and it WILL take your mind off of being forced to look at the ciggy's.

I think what may have put me in a defensive mood about the positioning of the ciggs in the store, was reading a post about relapse. I felt so bad for the person who had relapsed. It bothers me for a few reasons when folks relapse, and none of the reasons have to do with them failing or being weak. I've come to the conclusion that all it takes is the right combination of time, place, and circumstance for a relapse.

For example: You've just had a fall out with your significant other. You happen to go to the store to get some milk (not ciggs, initially) and when you're standing in line, to check out. BAM! The urge to smoke hits you because you SEE them, and it triggers something in you to purchase them to take the edge off how you're feeling.

Here is my question: How the heck can that be YOUR choice to purchase, when YOU didn't have total control of the variables in your ability to chose on your own? See, I'm starting to pay close attention to how everything is marketed to us, not just ciggy's.

If a company or person, has significantly marginalized your ability to make a conscious decision for yourself,  by tweaking the variables, was it honestly your choice to begin with, to make the purchase OR were you coerced on a subliminal level?

I think that this is something to think about, and something to apply when planning to Quit or Stay Quit. For those who may be reading this and thinking about smoking, consider this; The feeling of guilt will last longer than the rush of dopamine. Is it worth it in the long run, when the  urge doesn't last for more than five minutes?

However for those who may have relapsed recently, listen; DO NOT beat yourself up. Instead, take a deep breath; cry if you need to;  shake it off and re-evaluate your Quit Plan. This part is critical; Add the circumstances that lead to your relapse so that you will be aware, IF similar circumstances start to arise so that you will be better prepared to handle it.

GET BACK in the game and remember;  It's not how many times we fall off, family, it's about how many times we GET BACK UP, DUST OURSELVES OFF, and KEEP TRYING!!!!

YOU DO HAVE THE POWER to STAY QUIT!

IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOUR SELF

KEY: IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE IT, YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT.

Peace, Love, & NicoFreedom!!

To everyone who has Quit, thinking about Quitting, or working up to the Quit Date

You have the Power to Make This Happen.

To my Rocktober '11 Family, where-ever in the world you may be-

Stay Strong & Stay Sexy-Smokeless!!

~ "We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaacckkk..." ~

Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!!!!

Obi-Waughndaye :o)

"Getting A Grip on My Quit.........."

One of the things that has been a challenge for me is controlling my body
movement when a really quick urge to smoke comes. I usually turn my
head, to look for the pack, or raise my hands or raise my arms as if reaching for
a cig, until it quickly dawns on me that, "Hey, you don't smoke anymore," and
just as quickly as I remember, I go on about my business, as if it never happened.

Yesterday, while watching a movie, autopilot kicked in to smoke, because I had
been sitting still for a few hours. When the urge came, I went through the motions
and then refocused on the movie. During this time, I sneezed. Now, you may
thinking, "So what?" That is something that most folks do. Normally, you would
be correct except that I have a secret attached to my sneezing.

I squeeze, when I sneeze. Yes, you heard it here first!

Yes, I squeeze because of a serious fear of an episode of flatulence, while sneezing.
Long story short, I was in a meeting years back where the presenter sneezed and,
well you know the rest. Can we say, embarressing? We all had to remain professional
and pretend as if we didn't hear it. Yeah sure, pretend that I didn't have tears in my
eyes from trying to keep from bursting with laughter. O-kaaaay.

Anyhoo, my experience permitted me to come up with a fun, funky, sexy, thing
to do, when an urge comes, or when autopilot strikes.

KEGALS!!!!!!

Kegals are pelvic excercises. Yep, the ones that help us with incontinance.

The excercise strenghthens the bladder. But get this, it also helps men and women,
in other sexy ways. Ladies, Kegals help with keeping things tight in your Sacred Space
(vagina/Yoni). Guys, Kegals can help you, have more intense orgasms.

Okay, so here's what I've been doing the last few days. When the urge comes to
smoke, I refocus and concentrate on my pelvis, particularly my Yoni.
I perform 10 sets of 10 Kegals. By the time I am finished, the urge has passed,
and I have just increased the probability of making some mothers' son,
extremely happy, when that time comes.

Now, I'm not suggesting that folks start out doing 10 sets of 10. Instead, start
by doing 3 sets of 10, within a span of five minutes or work up to it. 
Watch your breathing and be patient with yourself. The muscles you're
working are the ones that you use to stop urine from passing. If you are
squeezing your hiney, your tummy, or your thighs, you're doing it wrong.

My Quit is very important to me, but I refuse to let it become mundane,
hum-drum, and rigid. It's my opinion, that we should celebrate Quitting and make
the process as fun and upbeat as possible, so that we can STAY QUIT and
stay positive and encouraged on our journey.

Whelp, I'm gonna go practice my err-uhm. Yeah.

Peace, Love, & NicoFreedom!! to everyone who has Quit or thinking about Quitting.
To my Rocktober '11 Family, where-ever in the world you may be-Stay Strong!!

~ "We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaacckkk..." ~

Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!!!!

Obi-Waughndaye :o)

"If Ya Think My Lollipop is Sexy....."

Okay, so I couldn't figure out what the title of this post should be. It was between Rod Stewart's classic, "Do You Think I'm Sexy?" and "LolliPop," by the Chordettes (no, I am not old enough to remember the actual group..lololol).

Anyhoo, I hung out with some friends this weekend. All non-smokers. We're sitting around having a good time, having some cocktails. A quick urge to smoke came over me, so I pull out a lollipop from my purse. (I packed enough mints, gum, and lollies for a week...lol.)

At the time, the Giants and Packers were playing. I love football, so quite naturally, I'm glued to the screen. All of a sudden, I feel these eyes upon me. I slowly turn in my chair, ever so slightly, as not to be obvious, so I can get a look at whose checking me out. To my surprise, a few guys down the other end of the bar, were watching me, with the lolli.

Eeeeek!! Now, let's get this straight. I WAS NOT doing anything on purpose, nor did I have any intention of doing anything suggestive. I was just trying to help myself with a quick urge. I was prepared and it worked. The urge went away quickly. Truthfully, I am very bashful, so it was funny when one of the gentlemen was bold enough to say, "I don't mean any harm, but what was that thing you were doing with your tongue?" "That messed me up!" He smiled, saying, "The stick was going around so fast, I could only imagine what was going on inside."

I have a new mantra.

 "Sexy & Smokeless: A Sweet Tongue, is a Happy Tongue."

I'm not suggesting that ladies start uhm..err...being deliberately "creative" with lollipops in public, while dealing with an urge to smoke. No. That's just asking for trouble and we don't want to have that reputation. However, I will tell you this; I've gotten more sexy looks from guys, with a lollipop in  my hand, than with a cigarette in my mouth.

Think about it, Ladies: All things being equal for the Grown & Sexy, isn't it far better to leave him thinking about the possibility of tasting your sweet tongue, versus your smokey mouth. *devilish grin*

"We're Bringin' Smokeless Baaack!" (to Justin Timberlake's, SexyBack..)

***Smuah*** Peace, Love, & NicoFreedom!!
To my Rocktober '11 Family where-ever you may be, and to Everyone On the Stay Quit Train
We Can Do This..Yes, We Can!!

"SEXY & NicoFree ~ Not One Puff Evah, Baby!!!"

Obi-Waughn

"What A Difference A Day Makes......."

Twenty four little hours....brought the sun and the showerrrsss....where there use to be rain....."

Ah, yes. I was, "Hotter than July," last night. LOL. Everything worked out well. I shared my concerns, raised my eyebrow, without raising my voice, offered the resolution, and BAM!!! It's DONE!! It's a WRAP!! NEXT!!! Just kidding. lol.

Everything went well and all hearts were clear after the discussion. I was professional, as I always am, however I can be very direct (yet respectful) when I need to. Deep breathing and visualization go along way when dealing with folk who are your polar opposite in so many ways.

So many things ran through my mind today.

Yanno, I don't care for Reality TV and I don't watch it. I think it's just another form of dumbing folks down. But here's the kicker, I can tell you what's happening on at least three of those shows. How's that, you say? Well, when I log onto the Internet, I am bombarded with "news" (if you can call it that..) about what's on TV/Cable and what's HOT. Now, I know I can change my settings. I've done that several times. However, in some way, shape or form, stuff or information that I don't want to see, seems to find its way to me.

How does this relate to My Quit? Well, this is yet another way, we have been psycho-slapped into smoking/relapsing/not quitting. Ever watch movies where it seems like everyone in the flick is smoking? Or better still, ever open a magazine and the ciggy Ad is just so damn appealing?

It's not by accident. We are bombarded when we least expect it. Did you know that The Flintstones even had an Ad about smoking back in the day? (Ugh!!) Well, they did. Who watched cartoons back in the day, even if they were on in the evening? Hmm? Right, you guessed it. We did.

Now get this, I log on today and I see that via our phones, Shopping Malls are tracking shoppers while they move about in the mall. WHAT?!? LOL. Seriously, did we really believe that this WASN'T going to happen?

A few years ago, I was watching one of my favorite programs (Frontline) and there was an episode called, "The Persuaders". This episode let me know, that there is a serious battle out here, where knowing our habits is crucial to the success of many companies.

They even try to "predict" what we will do, so they will know what products to shove in front of our faces. It is a serious science knowing what words, what colors, what scents to use, to get us to spend money. Now, if they will do all of that with merchandise and food, what's to stop them from doing it with ciggy's?

Be alert, my Smokeless/NicoFree family. We can prepare for the triggers we can see, it's the hidden triggers that we have to watch out for. 

I've added a link to the Frontline episode, "The Persuaders." Let me know what you think. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/persuaders/

Big Shout Out to my "Rocktober '11"family, where-ever you may be.

Peace, Love, and NicoFreedom, dammit!!! Power to the People!! :o)

Waughndaye aka Obi-Waughn *wink*

Calm B4 The Storm...

I am venting, so this will be all over the place - forgive me for poor sentence structure and the tone.

I am pissed off. I do not like when folks don't plan well, and then expect other folks to pick up the pieces when they &#%* up.

This is why I don't initiate or volunteer for anything unless I know that I can complete the project from start to finish. I really do not like being put into this predicament because I am a fixer. My natural inclination is to fix things that appear to be broken or on their way to being destroyed. I think folks know this, and they try to take advantage of it. They know that I don't want to see the folks I care about, fail or their events fall apart.

I am upset. I am really upset. I also do not like people who want to get the glory for work that they don't do. As a person in a leadership position, I have never felt that I am so high and mighty, that I can not get my hands dirty when my help is needed or when something just needs to be done. I don't operate that way.

People don't get it. Leadership has Every-Damned-Thing to do with being of SERVICE to the folks who are on your team! Not dictating to them about what they should be doing! I am typing because I f*#^&ing refuse to smoke a cig to deal with how I feel right now. Smoking isn't the answer and it damn sure doesn't solve the problem.

Smoking just delays the inevitable and clouds my judgement in a way that will make me appear to be calmer. I want this energy. I will use it to do what I need to do, to work this out.

The answer is dealing squarely with how I am feeling and not squashing my voice, which I feel could be a reason that I smoked.  It kept me quiet and with the appearance that I could keep calm in the face of chaos.

Hell, I'm calm right now. I am calm and still. Like the wind before a tsunami.

I actually feel better now, and I didn't need to smoke to get here. Just needed another way to blow off some steam.

Somebody is gonna catch the &^%$#@^ wrath.

Peace, Love, and NicoFREEDOM, dammit!!

I'm out.

Thankful for Family, The Gift of Friends, Grandma's Candied Yams & Being Smoke Free.. :o)

So, I am now a month out. I got through Thanksgiving. It wasn't that bad.
I just paced myself to keep from hitting that full feeling that triggered the desire
to smoke. I just ate smaller portions. The food was great as usual this year.
Everyone brought a dish. Mommie really put on a great spread. Grandma made
the candy yams, and I made the cabbage. Yumm-meee!

Family is a blessing, regardless of what "family" looks like to the outside world.

While I was clearing the table, last Thursday, I had what some might call a
"personal revelation" of sorts about the choices we make in life.
After thinking it through, I was able to apply it to My Quit as a learning tool.

Whether a person Quits or not, is really about a choice. It starts out in the mind
and eventually manifests itself in our actions, meaning, how we approach and work
on our Quit. In what I have observed about myself is, the passion to STAY QUIT,
even in a stressful situation, is actually more intense than the desire to smoke.

Let's say, a person decides not to quit. That's okay. No, really, it is.
It's his/her choice. Some folks are resolute in their decision that they won't quit.
My thought is, they shouldn't if they really do not want to. 

But here is where it gets interesting though. Folks don't like the consequences of their choices, when the choice manifests into something that brings them pain, or something that they can''t control. See, folks aren't as resolute when their choices become burdens.

Now let's say, a person decides to quit. This too, is okay. It is his/her choice. Even though quitting, is the better choice for some, let us not be fooled, because here too lies a certain level of discomfort (the withdrawal), in the beginning, which sometimes leads to fear, for some reluctant to Quit.

See, both choices are going to bring a certain level of pain/discomfort.
It's all about when you're ready to deal with it, OR when you've abandoned all control and IT'S ready to deal with you. I also think it's about choosing to have control over your life, or to permit the addiction to keep controlling you.

Ultimately, we all have a choice to make; the question is, can you handle it?

Me? My choice is to not to have the addiction to nicotine, control my movement, my ability to cope, my ability to relate, or my spending. Seriously, I'm not too keen on people, whom I CAN see, trying to control me, so therefore having an addiction, that I CAN'T see, controlling me, is totally out of the damned question.  (I apologize for the emphasis. I just get a little ticked off at the thought of the addiction.)

I don't mean to come off as, over-zealous about My Quit. I won't lie. I do have my challenging moments. It's just that when I think of the planning/strategy/marketing that goes into keeping us addicted, it boggles my mind. How could people be so greedy, that they are willing to kill folks slowly for a buck? Never mind. Not gonna get on my soapbox.

Shifting gears, I learned something about My Quit today. Something very precious. In an earlier post, I shared that I wasn't going to tell anyone about My Quit. I was prepared to go it alone.

I joined an online support group today.

That is the last thing I thought I would do, as I am very protective and insistent on being accountable for, and controlling the progress of, My Quit. Well, what I learned was, that  I was holding My Quit so tight to my chest, that when two gentlemen from the Support Group gave me encouragement, it made me cry. My reaction was so unexpected. It was like a ton of bricks fell away from me. I didn't realize, that I was holding onto My Quit like a life preserver - afraid to share it - for fear I would lose it - and fail.

After I wiped my eyes, I unlocked the grip I had on My Quit - stood back - gave it some breathing room to look around - to get to know me better. I learned that My Quit needs space to grow with information, and support, and it needs space to breathe the breath of life. The life that others bring, by way of sharing.

My Quit is a part of me. It is a living, breathing part of me.

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom."
"Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”
Lao Tzu ~ The Tao Te Ching

Big Shout Out to BuddyClyde for the inspiration!! :o)

Love, Peace, Balance & Nicofreedom to each and every one.
Waughndaye