I am venting, so this will be all over the place - forgive me for poor sentence structure and the tone.
I am pissed off. I do not like when folks don't plan well, and then expect other folks to pick up the pieces when they &#%* up.
This is why I don't initiate or volunteer for anything unless I know that I can complete the project from start to finish. I really do not like being put into this predicament because I am a fixer. My natural inclination is to fix things that appear to be broken or on their way to being destroyed. I think folks know this, and they try to take advantage of it. They know that I don't want to see the folks I care about, fail or their events fall apart.
I am upset. I am really upset. I also do not like people who want to get the glory for work that they don't do. As a person in a leadership position, I have never felt that I am so high and mighty, that I can not get my hands dirty when my help is needed or when something just needs to be done. I don't operate that way.
People don't get it. Leadership has Every-Damned-Thing to do with being of SERVICE to the folks who are on your team! Not dictating to them about what they should be doing! I am typing because I f*#^&ing refuse to smoke a cig to deal with how I feel right now. Smoking isn't the answer and it damn sure doesn't solve the problem.
Smoking just delays the inevitable and clouds my judgement in a way that will make me appear to be calmer. I want this energy. I will use it to do what I need to do, to work this out.
The answer is dealing squarely with how I am feeling and not squashing my voice, which I feel could be a reason that I smoked. It kept me quiet and with the appearance that I could keep calm in the face of chaos.
Hell, I'm calm right now. I am calm and still. Like the wind before a tsunami.
I actually feel better now, and I didn't need to smoke to get here. Just needed another way to blow off some steam.
Somebody is gonna catch the &^%$#@^ wrath.
Peace, Love, and NicoFREEDOM, dammit!!
I'm out.
No comments:
Post a Comment