Okay, so I had a great weekend. Hung out with some friends. Had the craving to smoke but, I DID NOT DO IT! WHY YOU ASK? Well, the reason why I did not do it is because I knew, if I had smoked, I would immediately throw up. For some reason, when I stop smoking, and then smoke while drinking, it turns into a complete disaster. It's like the nicotine/smoke hits my tummy and turns it inside out. It literally makes me ill. I mean, sick to the point of being in bed for several days. Not sure what that's about, and right now, I don't even care.
Anyhoo, I am having the strangest cravings. I want kosher dill pickles, hot sauce on everything and chocolate. Gotta do some research to find out why other than everything is starting to taste marvelous. I even did a hot sauce comparison to identify the undertones in three different brands. I loved it. lol. I am going to be as candid as I possibly can in my journal without making myself appear to be insane..lol. Am I eating more? YES! There, I said it. Am I trying to stop it? Only with certain foods. I don't do massive portions of stuff like rice. I don't get stupid with the chocolate, but I will pinch a piece. I do get happy with veggies like cabbage. (Don't stand down wind from me after an hour, because you will get hurt.)
I veg out on Wasabi peas. I love trail mix. I love pickles. I find I crave vinegary hot stuff. Hmm..what's that about?
Guess what? I told one person about My Quit. She was so proud of me. While it felt good to share it, I was still somewhat reserved about it. See, I know the professionals say that folks should tell family and friends, however, this is MY QUIT. It's mine! I own it! I am accountable to ME for my progress - not anyone else. The way I see it, the only person who can keep me Quit is ME. My logic is, they couldn't make me stop. I was the one, who made ME stop - so, I am the only one who gets to complain, dictate, direct, berate, keep me in check, yell at me, and watch my progress. To me, telling them about My Quit, is like giving them a say over something they really never controlled to begin with.
Speaking of control, something came to me the other day, when I felt stress and wanted to smoke.
Before My Quit, I remember saying things like, "That is getting on my nerves, I need to smoke." or "This person is pissing me off, let me go smoke." Here's my question; Why in the hell do we give people more power over our actions than they deserve?
In essence, what we're doing is, giving a person or situation, control and power to "force" us to behave/respond a certain way, in order to cope with an experience. Are we that weak? Are we that unconscious? Are we that easily led? I was, when it came to smoking - just being honest.
How we behave to people, places, and things, boils down to a choice - even when we feel we haven't made one.
I'm gonna go lay down. It's been a long day.
Happy Holidays to everyone. Thanksgiving is Thursday. YUM!!
Peace, Courage & Freedom to each and every one of you,
Waughndaye
No comments:
Post a Comment