Six Days....

Six days. Imagine that. Am I in disbelief? No. Just grateful. I think with this post, I will try to be more specific about my Smoke Hx, what I do in crisis mode, and what I have been doing overall to stay quit.

Okay, I have been smoking off and on since I was about hmm..nineteen? It started when I was in college. I stopped for about 3 years, and started up again. If I remember strait, mostly all of the men I dated smoked. Yeah. They did. When I dated men who didn't smoke, I didn't smoke around them, even if it meant I didn't smoke for days.

I averaged about eight cigs a day. I rarely smoked a whole cig in a sitting. It was too much for me. I would put it out and light it again, maybe three times. I just wanted a hit to knock off the pang, until the next pang came.

Some folks might say, I wasn't a real smoker because I didn't smoke a pack a day. That's cool. To each, his/her own. All I know is, I had to stop because it was getting on my nerves.

Here is something interesting. I can't stand the smell of other folks cigs. I don't like full, messy ashtrays.

Last night I had a close call, but I reacted quickly to the stressful moment. Like I shared, nobody in my family knows I am Quit. I don't want them to modify their behavior, to accommodate me. That to me, wouldn't be living My Quit, in a true environment.

There was a slight fall out/argument within the family last night. My roles in the family, are "interpreter", "mediator", and "peacemaker".  At the height of the disagreement, voices escalated. I slowly reared back in my chair, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath from my tummy and took about 5 fire breaths through my nostrils, and then one deep breath again. I was fine. I sipped on some apple juice, and ignored the rest of the fall out, which didn't last long. When it was time to leave, I gave out hugs and I departed.

I've increased my vitamin C. Rite Aid sells this cool Fast Dissolving Vitamin C. [pregnant pause]
Okay, okay, okay!! The real reason I am liking the vitamin C is that it tastes like orange flavored candy. SHEESH! (LMAO!!).

I'm also meditating and praying to keep myself centered in the evening. In the morning, I'm actually pausing and thinking about what I want for myself for the day.

Am I still getting urges? Yes. The ones on auto-pilot. They mainly come when I am in the middle of doing something or in response to me finishing something. Are they lasting as long as they did six days ago? Nope, which is cool. I've had two since typing this. I would usually smoke while doing paperwork/typing.

I'm still a wee bit itchy. It's my arms. Not much though. I'm starting to wonder now if it's my eczema. I'm just being honest, it has crossed my mind to smoke again. What's stopped me? Knowing what it will feel like, to start all over again, from day one. That burning-sinking feeling of nicotine surging through my body again. I don't want to fail and I want to be a non-smoker.

I noticed yesterday that after I came up the steps, my recovery time for heavy breathing, dropped dramatically. There was no perspiration involved. I just took two deep breaths and then my normal breathing pattern returned.

Here's another reason why I haven't told anyone in family or my friends that I am Quit. I feel, that if I tell somebody, actually put the words into the air, that I will jinx myself and all my hard work, discipline, prayer, etc., will just fall down around my knees. I realize that sounds illogical, unreasonable, and just plain stupid, but hey-that's how I feel.

I'm gonna go check out some news. I'm thinkin' about moving this to Facebook. Not sure if anyone is even reading these posts.

Peace and SmokeFreedom
Won